Rants, Raves, and Ridiculosity

Sermonettes and Life Lessons from the 3 Day

2011-10-27T20:44:00.000-07:00

*It takes time to facilitate community. One day wouldn't have been enough. It takes living together, bandaging your feet together, eating together, crying together, and hearing each others stories.

*The 3 Day is more about the journey and less about the walking.

*Encouragement, hugs, stickers, and pins, even from people you don't know, can help you take one more step. This paraphrase of a quote that was sent to Beth was our motto on Day 2, a walker's prayer: "Lord, if you will pick my foot up, I will put it back down."

*I think I saw a picture of Heaven at the finish line. Some strode across the finish line having trained hard for the journey. Some joined in the cheering, acknowledging a job well done. Some were humbled at the attention and hurried through. Some limped across, barely making it. Some cried. Some hugged. Some did cartwheels. But no matter how people made it to the finish, they got here. Some journeys were much more painful that others. Some were well-supported, some were alone. In the end though, there was a throng of people, jubilant that they'd made it. I've never seen such cheering and joy! The pain of the journey was left behind. We made it. If we can do this on Earth, just a shadow of what's to come, I can't wait to see the rejoicing in Heaven!

The 3 Day - Day 3

2011-10-27T20:39:00.001-07:00

Lessons Learned - Day 3

1. Pit Stops are not always easily accessible by sweeper vans.

2. Everyone deserves to experience a crowd cheering for them as if they just personally saved the world.

3. The celebration at the end of the walk made the pain fade to the background.

4. If I were a youth minister, I would have a year's worth of sermonettes to share from this 3 Day experience. (Blog to come.)

5. Any amount of emotional healing and closure Beth received during the Walk was well worth any physical soreness, pain, and discomfort we had to endure.

The 3 Day - Day 2

2011-10-27T20:33:00.001-07:00

Lessons Learned - Day 2

1. With the aid of nu skin and mole skin, you can walk miles on blisters.

2. Hearing people encourage Beth as she carried the "My Self" flag made 10 miles not so bad.

3. Graham cracker with peanut butter and jelly is delightful.

4. You can walk 40 miles and still bust a move.

5. Limping is still walking.

The 3 Day - Day 1

2011-10-27T20:05:00.000-07:00

Day 1 Lessons Learned for the Atlanta 3-Day Walk for the Cure

1. It is cold in Atlanta in October when the sun isn't up. Therefore, you should wear more clothes when waiting outside for the opening ceremonies from 4 am - 7 am.

2. Get help early. The medical tent has supplies and knowledge that you don't! Don't wait until Pit Stop 3 in the afternoon when your blisters are already angry.

3. Thinking of 20 miles as multiple sets of 3 miles makes it much easier! Thinking in terms of making it to the next Pit Stop was much easier than thinking of making it all the way to the finish.

4. Your body and mind can handle way more than you think it can.

5. The cheering sections of the route made walking 20 miles possible! It was easy not to think of your aching feet when kids were giving you high 5's and people were thanking you for walking, cheering, and giving you stickers and candy!

Forks Over Knives

2011-10-18T17:10:00.001-07:00

Wow! This documentary was so interesting! Now, I love meat and cheese as much as the next person, but I'm toying with the idea of No Meat November. Try anything once, right?

http://www.forksoverknives.com/

Get Serious September

2011-09-20T11:37:00.000-07:00

Ok folks, its time for Get Serious September so that I don't experience Oh Crap October where I pass out in the middle of the 3 Day walk surrounded by breast cancer survivors. The Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk for a Cure is just 31 days away! So the plan? Get serious. Start walking. Lose some pounds. Don't die.

Goals:
*Start most weekday mornings with a 3 mile walk. That way I have AT LEAST 3 miles under my belt for the day if nothing else.
*Lose 10 lbs. This might at least make the backpack I have to wear during the walk less irritating on miles 10+.
*Raise more money! You can donate here.
*Blog more about the journey.

Special Delivery!

2011-09-08T19:05:00.000-07:00

I joined the YMCA in April of 2009 after returning from China, and since then I've earned thousands of Y points. Each time you go to the Y you get points that you can use on a myYrewards website. Well, they are now discontinuing the points system, so it was use 'em or lose 'em time this month. After browsing the website for way too long and talking myself out of a bunch of junk I didn't really need, I settled on 2 boxes of Godiva chocolates (which is definitely classified as a need). Yes, that's right. I used 2 1/2 years worth of Y rewards on chocolate. :)

That was weeks ago, and I had forgotten all about it. Until today...this arrived!

That's right, folks! My tiny little boxes of chocolate came in their own cooler with Godiva chocolate brand ice bags! Hilarious! Also included was a note asking me to "Please enjoy the world's ultimate chocolate indulgence."

Now it's funny that this chocolate came today because just this morning I was thinking that I should blog about my recent attempts at purchasing only fair trade, slave free chocolate. (Notice I didn't say only eating slave free chocolate...baby steps.)
I first heard about "slave chocolate" through a friend's blog, but didn't really accept the challenge until recently. I've been doing this for a few months now and here are some observations:
-I enjoy the experience of buying fair-trade chocolate more than regular chocolate, sort of like how I feel more sophisticated buying a bottle of wine than a can of beer.
-It is more expensive so I savor it more.
-I tend to buy more dark chocolate varieties which has more health benefits than my usual chocolate.
-Given the choice, I'd totally pick fair-trade based on taste alone. I might be a chocolate snob!

Godiva doesn't have the fair trade logo on their $25 package of dark truffles I received...good thing I didn't pay for them!

Can You Juice A Banana and other tales...

2011-09-07T19:59:00.001-07:00

Tonight we had roommate Burger King family bundle night. That's right, we got a coupon for a $9.99 family of three combo. So hilarious we had to do it.

Then we got on the topic of juicing. Well, with three heads together, some dumpstered goodies, and "yeah, sure add that" we came up with a very interesting concoction for breakfast. I also wondered if you could juice a banana. With Brad's encouragement, we tried. It produced about 1 ml of banana juice. :)
Lets see if I can remember everything that went in this juice...
1 banana
2 kale leaves
1 bunch parsley
1 tomato
1 sweet potato
1 orange
2 apples
1 lemon
1 lime
1 red pepper
1 carrot
1 nectarine

If we don't get all of our vitamins in this way, it just can't be done. :)

Doin the Cabbage Patch

2011-09-06T17:40:00.000-07:00

Ok, this was definitely my bravest yet. Red cabbage! But look how pretty!

1 head red (purple?) cabbage
3 roma tomatoes
1 carrot
2 apples
1 orange
1 lemon

I couldn't believe it, but lemon saves the day again! Totally drinkable.

In other news, Brad has been doing some more unorthodox shopping, aka dumpstering, so the juicing options are endless! And cheap!

I also had to share this picture of my dinner from the other night because it was just so pretty. Baby bok choy, red pepper, and sweet potato!

ExperiMINTing

2011-08-31T11:04:00.000-07:00

Today's juice goal was to use mint! I found some at K & S for $2.50 yesterday.

1 cantaloupe
2 cucumbers
1 pear
1 apple
1 lime
1 bunch of mint (1/2 pkg)
2 large kale leaves

This one is much milder than some of the others I've tried that have had more of a lemon kick, but it's still good!

Today's Concoction

2011-08-29T17:37:00.000-07:00

This morning I tried this:
1 celery stalk
4 carrots
1 apple
1 orange
1 lime
5 kale leaves

Not bad! And yes, everything tastes better in a cute cup :)

Just Beet It!

2011-08-22T15:50:00.000-07:00

Ok, confession: I'm pretty sure I've never eaten a beet so needless to say, I was a little hesitant to juice one. But its good!

ABCs Juice
2 apples
3 beets with greens
3 large carrots
1 c spinach
Ginger optional

The color is amazing, can't wait to have a glass in the morning!

Apple Cucumber Lemonade

2011-08-21T14:11:00.000-07:00

This is definitely my favorite juice recipe so far!

4 apples
1 large cucumber
1/2 lemon

Soooo good!

Today Danielle and I did a lot of shopping and errand running. I enjoyed lunch at Whole Foods and some produce shopping, then off to Target, World Market, and K & S Foods. Though K & S doesn't have organic produce, the amount of veggies you can buy for the money is ridiculous. Example. Today at Whole foods I got 3 cucumbers for $3. At K & S, they had a bag of 10+ for $2. Plus we found real milk tea and got some goodies for a Chinese dinner tonight. I have definitely gotten in my fruit and veggies servings today.

Cantaloupe Apple Peach Juice

2011-08-20T16:33:00.000-07:00

Here's the juice I tried today! This one felt much faster than yesterday's Green Lemonade and also made more, about 4 cups.

1 small cantaloupe
2 green apples
2 small peaches
1 small piece of ginger (tip of thumb size)

Verdict: Good!

Adventures in Juicing

2011-08-19T11:12:00.000-07:00

Ok, dusting off the blog...

Recently I've been remotivated to appreciate food for what it should be, our source of fuel and repair for our bodies. I've been eating out way too much lately and trying not to think about how it's doing nothing good for me. But I find that when God sends a message, He sends it several times through several sources because sometimes I'm slow and don't always get it the first time. :) So it first came through my own head, then through my mom's recommendation of the documentary Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead, then through having breakfast with a friend this morning who has connected her son's ADHD with food dye.

Let me first say that I have never wanted to be one of those people, you know, the all-natural, all organic, all-snobby, eaters. But the more I think about it, it makes sense. If given the option, why should we load our bodies down with chemicals? Does it make sense to eat things that man created instead of what God put on earth to begin with. He called it good, shouldn't I?

So I watched Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead (and so should you) on Netflix where a guy completely turns his health around and gets off of all his medications through juicing. His methods are a little extreme, but the facts are there. We need micronutrients. Micronutrients are found in vegetables. Very few of us eat even the recommended daily servings of fruits and veggies. I know I don't.

So the all or nothing part of me thinks, yeah, juice fast! Cut out all the bad stuff! But I'm trying to be rational. So I'm just going to start incorporating a meal or two here, not saying I can never have pizza or ice cream again, just saying I'd like to eventually make 80% of my diet whole-food based (and my suspicion is my desire for the junky stuff will disappear).

I really enjoy buying real food, going to farmer's markets or natural food stores. It's fun, it's colorful, it feels healthy, but I've always complained about the cost. But with the amount of eating out I've done lately, I think it may be about the same in the end. Even if it is more, it's better for me and I enjoy it. So there, that excuse is gone. :)

Today I went to the Turnip Truck to get some organic veggies. Since organic is definitely more money, I tried to focus on the Dirty Dozen, foods that hold the highest pesticide residue. Then I went to Kroger to finish up. In the end I spent about $50 on all this:

I decided to be brave and try green lemonade juice. Thankfully, a friend had already given me a juicer a while back.

Green Lemonade

1 Green Apple
3 handfuls Spinach, 1.5 cup
6-8 Kale leaves, 2 cups
1/2 Cucumber
4 Celery Stalks
1/2 Lemon

Calories: 210
Protein: 10 g
Fiber: 1 g

Observations:

Juicing takes a while. Best to juice a lot at once and save the leftovers.

It was messy! Using a plastic bag in the pulp-catching part definitely helps.

I'm so cheap that I juiced the pulp that was leftover to get just a little more juice :)

Pulp can be used in other recipes or in compost, so I don't feel as bad about the "waste".

This batch made about 3 cups of juice, enough for two big glasses.

Cost: I estimate this batch costing between $2-$3. Not bad!

Taste: Not bad at all! I got nervous when I saw celery juice come out of the juicer, but really, it's good! I have a hard time getting V8 down, but I would definitely do this again. I didn't think the green apple and lemon could mask the kale, spinach, and celery, but it's surprisingly sweet!

Fake It Til You Make It: How I Became a Runner

2011-01-30T15:37:00.000-08:00

I'm a runner.

I realized that today when this unseasonably warm 60 degree January day begged me to run. I wanted to run. Today I told myself, "Self, forget making better times, forget personal records, just run because it's beautiful. Enjoy the run." And I did. I ran a slow 3 miles and liked it. Yes, there were parts where I was tired, but for the most part, it felt good. I can feel my body changing. My lungs weren't screaming. I didn't feel like throwing up. I didn't even feel like quitting, which usually happens around 1 mile. So here are my tips on faking it til you make it, cause that's certainly what got me here...

1. If people on the Biggest Loser can run a mile, and then at the end of the season run a marathon, you can run a mile.

2. Change your idea of running. You don't have to run fast. You don't have to be skinny.

3. Find somewhere beautiful and inspiring. I like Shelby Bottoms.

4. The treadmill is your friend. You can keep track of your pace and play with speeds. I love running beside someone running really fast because sometimes your stride matches theirs and I feel like I'm flying. :)

5. No one is staring at you, thinking you're the fattest, slowest person they've ever seen move. They're trying not to die too.

6. Find a good running play list, one that makes you feel like you're running to the soundtrack of your own life. I like Death Cab for Cutie.

7. Wear cute running stuff. Even if you wouldn't be caught dead letting someone else see you in tight running pants and one of those cute sporty tank tops, wear a T-shirt over it. You'll know it's there. It makes me feel good even if no one else sees, like cute underwear ;) Oh, and good shoes are key.

8. Set goals, break them, and brag about it. You're friends can't wait to cheer you on.

9. Sign up for races. The money goes to good stuff and it's a fun, healthy way to be social.

10. Fake it til you make it. :)

Being Set Free Continued...

2010-11-12T12:51:00.000-08:00

Within the first few lessons I felt cut to the core. The Spirit was really using the Word to call me out on so many things! One was glory. For whose glory was I trying to lose weight? Was it mine? So people would be impressed with me? So people would give me attention and congratulate me? Admire me? Yes to all. Was it for the glory of God? No. Error #1.

Another issue I’d had was anger with God. Why have you made me this way? Why haven’t you provided a way out for me? I had it all wrong. God hadn’t made me this way; I’d made myself this way by continually turning to food and trying to fill myself with things other than God. When I read this verse, I saw the Truth:

“Open wide your mouth and I will fill it. But my people would not listen to me; Israel would not submit to me. So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devices.” Ps. 80:10-12

God had been telling me, Amy, if you’ll just turn to me, I’ll fill your every need. I’ll satisfy you! Open wide your mouth and I will fill it! But I wouldn’t listen. In my stubbornness, I thought my way was best, so God gave me over to my own desires for a season. So it wasn’t God “making” me a certain way, it was a result of my own rebellion, of trying to put something in His place. Our choices have consequences, and mine you could see in a size 24.

Another issue was idols, an idol being anything you put before God, not necessarily a gold or wooden statue. It was easy for me to see how food had been an idol in my past. Where did I run for comfort, satisfaction, celebration, boredom, loneliness? Was it to God? My Creator, Sustainer, Provider? No, it was to food. I was literally heartbroken when I realized that time after time God was asking me to seek Him as my comfort, and it was as if I turned my back on Him and went to the kitchen instead. Food was never meant to satisfy a soul hunger! Only God can do that. One verse that stuck out to me was Job 23:12: “I have treasured your Word more than my daily bread.” Could I say that? That I had ever truly desired God’s word more than my next meal? I realized my priorities had been all wrong, and I realized that even as I had been changing my habits to healthier ones, I still hadn’t gotten in quite right. Instead of my idol being food, it was the restriction of food, the obsession with is this good for me? Bad? How many calories? How many carbs? Fats? Have I burned more calories than I’ve eaten? I realized I was spending the majority of my time either eating, planning what I was going to eat, avoiding eating, or regretting what I’d eaten. Were we not made for more than that?!

Through this study, through time in the Word and prayer, I am slowly but surely letting God be the source of my satisfaction, my comfort, my Food, as He was intended to be! I never realized how many verses in the Bible refer to God as our food, Daily Bread, Living Water. He is meant to satisfy our every thirst and hunger.

“All man’s efforts are for his mouth, yet his appetite is never satisfied.” Ecclesiastes 6:7

Setting the Captives Free

2010-11-12T12:33:00.000-08:00

I sort of stumbled on the link for Setting the Captives Free. I saw it on Facebook of all places. It is a website offering free Bible studies and accountability for a whole host of habitual sins: drinking, drugs, smoking, pornography, and yes, overeating. I clicked on it, intrigued, and willing to try almost anything. It is a 60 day Bible study on overeating. You get an online mentor who reads your lessons everyday and prays for you, and since it’s online, there is an element of anonymity I was into. I was getting excited, and then I saw the eating plan options. I almost “unsigned” myself immediately. I saw the words fast, liquid, and half and was ready to run in the other direction. This is a “quack” website I thought. Probably one of those cult followings. But something made me do the first lesson and at least try it.

I’ll fast forward and tell you I’m on day 45 of 60. I’ve lost over 12 lbs in that time, and am 1 lb away from losing 50 from my heaviest weight. I have never felt so set free, so satisfied, so fulfilled, and if I’m a “quack” then I wish I had been one all along! This has been the most cleansing and beautiful journey, and I’m not even through. So, specifics to come, but check it out. www.settingcaptivesfree.com.

Allow me to tell you my story...

2010-11-12T12:28:00.000-08:00

Allow me to tell you my story. I have been overweight my whole life. No, I didn’t have some traumatic childhood, and no, I don’t have a metabolic disease. I secretly wished for those growing up – something to blame it on, an excuse, a reason for why I was the way I was. I think my heaviest was in high school. 265. Ouch. Then throughout college I did Weight Watchers, had a healthy, exercising roommate sophomore year, and managed to get down around 245 fairly consistently. At one point I did a gimmick diet that got me down to 235, but I quickly gained that back and more. In China, I stayed around 245 going to the gym all the time and walking everywhere. Must have been that darn rice and oil that got me. Oh, and all the American treats we “rewarded” ourselves with. :) When I got back from China, in my mourning and transition I gained nearly 20 lbs! I remember looking at pictures from D.C. that spring and thinking, wow, I look terrible!

So I joined the Y, determined to be proactive. I fell in love with zumba, tried my hand at 5ks, took swimming lessons. I found an interest in nutrition and nutrients and whole foods. And with all that I was able to strong arm it down to the 230s again. That was huge! But all the while I felt a guilt I couldn’t kick. I felt guilty for caring so much about the physical when I should be focused on what is above. I wondered if God really cared about my goal weight and fluctuated between anger and indifference that He made the male population so “attraction” oriented. I was frustrated because I’d tried everything and felt stuck because every diet contradicted the next. I have tried everything: slim fast, diet pills, Weight Watchers, Adkins, fruit diets, food combining, low calorie, low fat, non-processed, super foods. And yes, I suppose any of them might work for a time, given the right amount of discipline and will, but I felt like there had to be something I was missing. And I’d always known if there was some way I could connect the physical to the spiritual, I would find success. I just didn’t know how. It’s when we’re at our lowest that we’re the most receptive, and it’s at that point that God stepped in and showed me the way.

Dusting off the blog...

2010-11-12T12:01:00.001-08:00

Ok, I couldn't even remember the address to get to my own blog. It's been a while. But now I'm dusting off the dashboard here, so prepare yourself!
God has been doing some amazing things in and around me, and it's time for me to share. I'll try to keep them to many mini-blogs instead of massive diatribes to hold your attention. :)
Stay tuned...

What a birthday looks like...

2010-06-18T16:05:00.000-07:00

Well, I've survived another year, seen another birthday. As many of you know, my birthday isn't my favorite day of the year. I'd much rather celebrate someone else's birthday. Today, however, was an excellent day. Nothing showy, but perfect for me.

Started out at 7 am. That's terrible you say? Well, considering the roofers have been waking me up at 6 the last few days, I'll take 7. Made a nice breakfast, enjoyed facebook comments, emails, and walking around in my pajamas. Highlight of the morning: talking to Peach on gtalk!

Then I had my last swim lesson. Linda, my instructor, was impressed beyond belief at my progress and how far I've come in 4 lessons. And I would like to say, today something BIG happened...I touched the bottom of a 9ft pool without holding my nose. This, people, is BIG! It was unpleasant, but I did it. And through some of Linda's comments and my own observations, I was reminded of a gift/skill/talent I have. I may not be able to throw a ball, catch a ball, or even look at a ball, but give me something where I just need to control my own body, and I'm good. I figured this out with dancing, and now swimming. Apparently I have body awareness, which to me, is kind of funny...

Then I headed out for lunch with Nana. Chinese. Delish. And then to get my hair cut and eyebrows waxed. I guess once a year it's good to have a gay guy massage your scalp, tell you you have nice eyebrows, and overcharge you for products and services. It was quite enjoyable and worth every penny!

Then, I had a free Starbucks birthday coupon, so I sat at Starbucks with my massive frappuccino and studied medical terminology for a while. To me, that was enjoyable (and productive...a bonus!).

Now here I sit, waiting for a delicious Papa Johns pizza to be delivered (via Brad) and a night of just chilling...maybe a Cake Boss episode or two. Maybe some Dhani Jones...

Nothing grand, but a perfect birthday.
I think 27 is going to be a good year.

5ks, class, and swimming

2010-06-12T15:20:00.000-07:00

Haven't blogged in a while, so here's an update. Things are going well!!

I turn 27 in a week (geez) and wanted to do something for my birthday that reflects my new interests in physical activity, so I found a 5k called Run for the Nations benefiting refugees in Nashville next Saturday. I haven't trained much for it because my legs seem to be feeling achy all the time from standing at the PTS. So this morning, I got up pseudo-early to run at Shelby Bottoms (location of the 5k) to practice running in extreme heat. Yeah, I did fine for a mile, pushed through to almost 1.5 then had to stop running. It was so freaking hot and humid. I'm praying for a cold snap next Saturday. :)

I had my third private swim lesson today and it went well. My instructor was so pleased with my progress, she was beside herself. She said my breast stroke was beautiful and that I should be the poster child for a "late-life" swimmer. We went over the back stroke and free style today for me to work on for our last lesson on Friday.

I'm taking three classes and working at the PTS. 2 online courses, and 1 actual go-to-class course (Chemistry). So far Economics is the hardest for me. I love Medical Terminology because its like word puzzles. Like once you know that histo means tissue, -ology means study, and -oma means tumor, you know histology is the study of tissues and a histoma is a tumor of the tissues! So far Chemistry is ok. I survived my first lab, and generally feel that within any group of people I'm of at least average intelligence so I'll be ok. That's my theory anyway. :)

So things are busy, but are pushing me into efficiency mode...so I've actually worked out more, cooked more, cleaned more, etc on top of all the new stuff I have! It is, however, only the second week...

Dairy Dash Race Stats

2010-04-11T15:31:00.000-07:00

The results are in from Saturday's Purity Dairy Dash 5k!
63rd among females in my age group
625th place overall
338th among the ladies
40:45 total time
13:09 pace

Compared to the Rudolf Run in December, I made some progress! Woohoo!
Stats from December:
82nd place among females in my age group
760th place overall :)
408th among the ladies
44:18 total time
14:18 pace

I'm thrilled that I knocked a minute off my mile! Guess that shows that less weight to run with
and moderate training works after all.  :)
 Don't really plan on another 5k til it gets cold again. I don't run in the heat.  :)

Catch Up

2010-04-07T18:22:00.000-07:00

I haven't really blogged in forever. I think about something to post, and then don't. Or things seem too boring to blog about. Or I'm just lazy. :)

Anyway, as of late I've been:
Working at the PTS
Not training enough for the 5k I'm running Saturday
Cooking and eating delicious free food
Finishing up my first online class
Applying to a Dietetics program through University of Northern Colorado
Growing things and being amazed at the simplicity of it. Plant. Water. Grow. Wow!
Using frequent flyer miles for amazing, cheap trips to see Erin!
*Participating in Lent, and appreciating more than ever, the glory of Easter!

*Mini blog about Easter...
Easter might be my new favorite holiday! Going through the 40+ days of Lent, participating in Passion Week activities at Christ Cathedral, and then experiencing the trumpet-sounding (literally) goodness of an Episcopal Easter service has really been one of the most meaningful Spiritual seasons for me. The anticipation that I wanted to feel so badly for Christmas during Advent was fully realized this Easter. I woke up really excited Easter morning. It's Easter! He's risen! Hallelujah! I went out early to buy an Easter lily. I just felt like I had to have one to complete my Easter experience. It was a beautiful day at the Stockell house. Brad and I enjoyed the sweets we'd missed for Lent, went to church, planted in the garden...It was amazing.

Happy 30 Day!

2010-03-18T16:03:00.000-07:00

Nope, not turning 30, lost 30! Pounds! When I came back from China I gained a good 15 lbs (all that American food I couldn't get for 2 1/2 years!) and have been working since last April to get it off. This is a big day because I have now officially passed my "fruit" weight (My lowest adult weight was from a very unbalanced diet study where I only ate fruit and vegetables every other day and whatever I wanted the other days...bad idea.) and I've lost 30 pounds...which is the most I've ever managed to lose at one time. Yay me! ;)

I've been so excited lately about nutrition and my future plans to become a Registered Dietician. I've even been reading up on Biblical nutrition, and I'm continually amazed at the ways God has provided for us in every way. There was no mistake in the way He made our bodies and the food He gave us to eat. But more on that later.

Here's a nice fat picture...and then a picture of me this morning after I faced the scale!

Resolutions

2010-01-04T20:18:00.000-08:00

I hadn't really planned on making any resolutions this year, but this morning I thought of a few things. I want to run three 5 ks this year. And in an effort to become a more goal-oriented person, I want to set weekly goals for myself instead of a bunch of yearly ones that I'll never reach. I also want to refocus on my gifts and try to send at least one encouraging note a week.

It's been a big year. I've left China and (for the most part) readjusted to American life. I've settled in, have a job, and am starting school in a few weeks. 2009 was certainly uncertain but things always turn out in the end. I look forward to seeing what 2010 holds. Jehovah Jireh.

Niagara New Year

2010-01-04T20:05:00.000-08:00

This New Year's we've described as EPIC.

Danielle, Jeremy, Amy, and I loaded up and headed to Niagara Falls via Cincinnati on Tuesday. We froze a little, saw the amazing falls, tasted ice wine, saw where "real" Canadians live, and experienced the STYX concert on New Year's Eve. I'll admit, I only know 2 STYX songs, but when they started playing one I knew (Come Sail Away) we all went kind of crazy. Snow falling, STYX playing, a new year, in Canada. It was big. Jeremy and Amy were on Canada's ET coverage of the concert! Apparently New Year's in Niagara is like Canada's Time's Square. It was a short trip and a long drive, but we had a great time. We even had a little China tribute at 11 am on New Year's Eve and dropped an apple down a chopstick like old times.

The falls were amazing. Pictures truly can not capture how incredible and impressive they are...even in the snow and ice!

No words

2009-12-28T19:42:00.000-08:00

Sandra and Sherol, our friends in Yichang, have been waiting for an adoption match for 24 months, and they were just matched with a precious 7-month-old girl! We Yichangren have all followed them on this journey through their blog, and at times I felt like their longing and desperation was my own. Beth called me at lunch today to tell me the good news. I can't help but think of the correlation between waiting for this baby and the Advent season. And hearing such good news made me wish I could extol the Lord like Mary did...that my words would flow out in poetic verse or I that could dance for the Lord like David or like the dad in Fiddler on the Roof. Me, I couldn't even form the right words. I guess now is when you rely on the Spirit to express the words you can't find.

God is good.

Amazing Provision

2009-12-28T19:28:00.000-08:00

I don't think we give God enough credit in our daily lives for how things come out perfectly orchestrated for our good. Recently I've seen so clearly how He works and moves, and its really all a matter of waiting out to see His good timing. I'm coming to learn more and more how to trust Him...that His ways are certainly better than mine.

Just a few things lately that are so obviously God:
Brad's entire school journey up to this point, in-state tuition etc (now if he can just get accepted...)
Kim's school provision
Katie's made-for-her perfect job in Nashville!
The community house
Sandra and Sherol's amazing adoption match
My own job and school provisions

The journey is often uncertain and uncomfortable, and that is exactly when He reveals more than we could have dreamed for ourselves. I often get caught up in what I think I want or not knowing what I want, then I take a deep breath, and relax, knowing that I can trust Him completely. Really it's less anxiety now, and more anticipation of seeing what amazing things He has in store for those who love Him...

Jehovah Jireh.

Christmas Recap

2009-12-25T11:43:00.000-08:00

This Christmas was certainly different than any other. When asked recently what my family does for Christmas, I wasn't sure how to answer. I've been in China the last three Christmases and meanwhile, my family has moved to Florida.

Knowing it would be hard to compete with a China Christmas, this year I tried to really focus on celebrating Advent and making some of my own little traditions.

Here are some of my Christmas highlights:

Experiencing Handel's Messiah at Christ Cathedral (Hallelujah chorus = amazing.)

The semi-honored tradition of the making of the hideous (ly awesome) Christmas shirt

Shopping for Christmas angels

A Zumba cool down to "Love Came Down at Christmas"

Singing along with Mariah's Christmas CD (badly) in Jehovah Jireh with Brad

Late night guitar and singing

The "Your Presence is our Present" dinner and knife throwing

Christmas Eve service with mom

The endless fun of iphoto booth

Race Stats

2009-12-05T15:27:00.000-08:00

Well, my stats are in!

82nd place among females in my age group
760th place overall :)
408th among the ladies
44:18 total time
14:18 pace

Oh yeah...

2009-12-04T20:34:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah, and today was a big day because...

I got accepted to the University of Bridgeport's online M.S. in Human Nutrition program! I start in January on some prerequisites and won't get to start the actual course work until Fall or Spring of next year. We'll see how it goes working full-time and doing class online part-time. I'm really excited!

A Big Day: Heat and 5k!

2009-12-04T18:39:00.000-08:00

Today was a huge day.
1. We got heat! We've been livin' it Yichang style with space heaters for weeks, and while we've all been troopers...heat is awesome!

2. Today was the Rudolph the Red Nose 5k. I had two goals...to "run" the whole thing and to do it in under 45 minutes. I DID IT! Thankfully, Amanda ran with me and I think she helped me set my pace a little higher than I would have on my own. It was FREEZING. I think it was around 36 degrees, but trust me, 5 minutes into the run and I was warm. We started at LP Field, ran UP the Woodland Street Bridge, down 2nd Avenue, UP Broadway to the Somet Center (5th or 6th Avenue?), back down Broadway, UP 2nd (definitely the hardest part of the run! I felt like I was going backwards.), down Woodland Street, and around the Titans stadium. As we were rounding the stadium towards the finish line, we got the best view ever of the fireworks over the pedestrian bridge. A little last jia you to keep going to the finish. When we crossed the finish line, the clock said 45:30 I think, but we started probably a minute after the race actually began since we were in the back. I should be able to check my actual time online tomorrow.

So I feel pretty good about having set a challenge and accomplished it. This was definitely the hardest physical challenge I've ever given myself, and it's certainly the longest I've ever run. It certainly shot any desire or delusions I've ever had about wanting to run a 1/2 marathon. Sheesh! This was hard! But I did it, and I'm proud. Next year I'll be much faster. ;)

Rudolph's Red Nose Run

2009-11-11T18:14:00.000-08:00

I'm officially registered for Rudolph's Red Nose Run 5k! It's December 4th at 6:30 pm. Anyone want to join me?

Gatlinburg

2009-11-09T15:13:00.000-08:00

This weekend was SO great. Nine China friends got together in Gatlinburg to catch up and encourage and LAUGH. It was so refreshing and fun that I really and truly didn't want to leave. It was so great to be surrounded by people that you really only know through China...people who had so many similar, hilarious experiences as you did, and people who have big, gaping China holes in their hearts just like you do.

Friday night we just chilled and caught up. Saturday, to prove my undying love to Beth, we went to the Christmas Place, a huge mega-Christmas superstore, had some Santa blend coffee, and enjoyed the beautiful weather. Then we met up with the rest of the group for a wine tasting, then off to Gatlinburg for a most hilarious Western picture. (Fish nets + boxer shorts + corsets = Classic Gatlinburg souvenir). We headed back to the cabin for dinner and hours of youtube watching. (Watch 'Celine Dion is amazing.' It will change your life...at 1 am anyway)

Sunday we had our Family time. It had been so long since I sang in a group like that...since China I guess. Of course, I cried when we sang some songs ... the ones that zap me right back to Brad's apartment with some of the most amazing people I know. We cried and shared and encouraged one another. We had a pretty good spectrum of time people had been back, from 3 months to 17 months, so we were able to share the wisdom we've gained, or the things we are struggling with. We vowed to make meeting together something regular, and to continue to lift up and strengthen one another while we're apart.

It's amazing to me that the majority of the people there this weekend I'd probably seen fewer than 10 times. But how incredible that it feels like we've been friends our whole lives!

We.always.have.China.

I am so thankful for the chance to be refueled, to have my cup back to overflowing.

We're even having a China Thanksgiving, which thrills me more than you know! And now we can show off our real turkey-cooking skills, without a 5-hr bus ride, a duck rotisserie, and people gasping at the size of that unnatural bird! How boring. :)

Progress

2009-11-06T09:31:00.000-08:00

Woohoo! Today is a big day. I jogged the whole 1.25 mile loop at Shelby Bottoms! Did. not. stop. The fact that I jogged is important, but more important is the challenge. And the not stopping. That's huge for me.

Something is slowly changing in me, a mental shift in a good direction. I was almost overwhelmed this morning walking around the loop again. Amazed by the beauty around me, feeling like I was walking in my own movie...that pivotal scene where you look back and see where you've been, and look forward and know you'll make it. And as I stretched and breathed and took in the sun glimmering on the water and the blue sky and the breeze...well, I can't really describe it. Walls are breaking down.

I'm slowly learning to make time for myself, and coming from a long line of amazing, self-sacrificing, serving women, that's hard. Who wants to take care of themselves? It's so much more fulfilling to take care of everyone else. But I'm slowly seeing that I could become the person I've always dreamed of being. I could enjoy things others enjoy. I could stop living in fear. I could be the biker, hiker, runner, swimmer, climber. I could take this mess I've become and let myself be transformed inside and out, and it truly does start inside, out.

I think this thing I'm feeling is something like...hope.

Discovery

2009-10-27T16:52:00.001-07:00

Today I discovered the joy of jogging outside. Yes, I said joy, jogging, and outside in the same sentence. I went to the Shelby Bottoms greenway, on the 1.25 mile loop, and with Deathcab playing in my ears and fall awesomeness all around, I felt like I was in my own world. It was the first time I've jogged not on a treadmill, which to me is much easier since all you really have to do is pick up your feet and it looks like you're running. I was pretty impressed with what I could do on my first time around and am actually excited about going again tomorrow!

Rosh Hashanah

2009-09-19T18:52:00.000-07:00

After several weeks of study and reading, we celebrated Rosh Hashanah starting last night at sundown. We gathered together to celebrate the Feast of Trumpets, to appreciate that part of our spiritual heritage, and to look forward to what it could mean for us in the future.

Rosh Hashanah is the spiritual new year on the Jewish calendar and begins 10 days of repentance and reflection before Yom Kippur, the day of Atonement. Many spend this time righting wrongs with others and repenting so that God will right their name in the Book of Life. A popular greeting is
L'Shanah Tovah Tikatevu
Literal Hebrew to English Translation: May you be inscribed (in the Book of Life) for a good year.

We had many of the traditional Rosh Hashanah foods like apples and honey, and round challah bread to represent a sweet new year. (Brad made it, I burned it ;)). We had spinach in hopes for a good crop this year (perfect since we started a garden!) and rice to show abundance. We even had kosher wine and blessed everything from the candles down to the apples just like at a traditional Rosh Hashanah feast.

We listened to the shofar (ram's horn "trumpet") sound to call our attention to the beginning of the high holy days, and reflected on verses about Jesus' return at the sound of a trumpet (a shofar?).

Today we went to the park for the Tashlich, or casting off. We pulled out our pockets, and threw our sins (bread crumbs) into the depths (of the pond...and eaten by ducks). We read Micah 7:18-19: "Who is like You, God, who removes iniquity and overlooks transgression of the remainder of His inheritance. He does not remain angry forever because He desires kindness. He will return and He will be merciful to us, and He will conquer our iniquities, and He will cast off our sins into the depths of the seas."

All in all, I think it was a great first Rosh Hashanah. I think there is a lot to learn about the character of God and how He interacts with His people by studying and participating in the feasts of the Old Testament. We can celebrate with even more joy because Jesus fulfilled so many aspects of these feasts! We can prepare ourselves for the Day of Atonement knowing that our sins have already been covered and we don't have to wait to see if our names have been inscribed in the Book of Life!

I'm looking forward to the next 10 days of reflection, and for Yom Kippur, a day of atoning..then Sukkot, the feast of tabernacles. So many ways to celebrate!

Here are some of the books I have been reading that have really piqued my interest in the Feasts.

Girl Meets God by Lauren F. Winner
Feast: Finding your place at the table of tradition by Derek Leman
Celebrating Jesus in the Biblical Feasts: Discovering Their Significance to You as a Christian by Richard Booker

It's Been A While...

2009-09-13T08:53:00.000-07:00

It's been quite a while since I've blogged, mostly because I didn't have anything worth sharing. And then as weeks go by it feels overwhelming to try to recap everything that's happened since you last blogged and you continue not to blog...so I'm not even going to attempt the detailed recap; I'm just going to move forward.

God has been doing some amazing things, and showing Himself to me in new ways.

I've been reading and studying alot about the Jewish feasts of the Old Testament, and I've found so much new meaning tucked away in traditions most of us overlook! God has never made an accidental move in all of history. Each act, though strange or seemingly unimportant to us, has been planned with purpose, meant to reveal aspects of God and his plan for those who have "eyes to see" and "ears to hear." Anyway, I say all that to say I'm learning more about the heritage of my Jewish brothers and sisters, and what their celebrations tell me about Jesus; how He brought so much fulfillment in His coming, His death and resurrection!

I say all that to say this: we're going to celebrate Rosh Hashanah this weekend! And I'm really really excited about it. Rosh Hashanah is all about trumpets, a shofar actually, a rams horn...the horn used to call the people's attention. Rosh Hashanah is spent blowing the shofar, calling people's heart's to repentance in preparation for Yom Kippur, or the Day of Atonement, where the people would all come together to ask atonement for the year's sins, kind of a spiritual new year. More to come on that...

My goal in blogging this morning, however, was to tell about church this morning. I went to Christ Cathedral downtown, an Episcopal church. This was the second time I've been. And this time, like the last, I was just kind of overwhelmed by the beauty and ritual and reverence, especially during the Eucharist (Lord's Supper for you C of C people). In the tradition that I grew up in, there wasn't alot of pomp and circumstance; nothing flashy, no bowing, kneeling, hand-raising, so part of my fascination could be the pure novelty of it. But something about walking down to the front of this huge, magnificent church, a church meant to remind us of the majesty and glory of God, and receiving the bread and wine...it feels to me like a small glimpse of Heaven. I think there will be alot more reverent acts of bowing and being overwhelmed with beauty, and kneeling in awe in Heaven than most of us represent here in our worship. I'm not saying I'm going to become an Episcopal, heck, by the end of it all I may end up a Messianic Jew. What I am saying is that I'm learning to appreciate the different ways people have tried to capture and display the character of God and worship Him in all His majesty.

I've been struck recently with just how holy God is. Growing up I had more of a God is my friend mentality, and there's certainly a place for that. But I feel God is showing me new facets of His character that I've never seen before. A few weeks ago it was learning to see Him as the One who wants to free me, this week has been alot of realizing His holiness and majesty. In studying about Yom Kippur, I was reminded of how the Old Testament describes how no one can be directly in God's presence, now one can look at Him directly. People couldn't even look directly at the glowing face of Moses when He has seen some of the glory of God! So God took measures to be close to His people even though they were dirty and broken and unworthy: a temple, a veil, incense, priests, sacrifices, and now through Jesus, a torn veil, His own son's blood shed for our atonement, all so we can be near Him.

So to me it seems that we should do everything we can to draw near to Him! Whether its surrounding yourself by a beautiful church or in His creation to remind you of His beauty, do it! If it's in kneeling, bowing, praying, silence, or celebrating feasts that technically aren't yours, do it! He's taken every measure to tear down the barriers between us so that we can know Him, and now I'm more excited than ever to explore every way that I can learn about Him and draw near to Him.

A Me Day or Amy Day

2009-08-08T16:36:00.000-07:00

I know. I haven't blogged in a while. A long while. To be honest, not much is blog worthy other than my innermost thoughts, and well, for the majority of you, it's none of your business. :) I have been writing more, almost daily, just not for my public audience, for my eyes only. Something feels good about ink on paper these days.

Anyway, I've been fairly antisocial as of late, so today I decided to have a day all about me where I was socially anti-social. Yes, I was out and about, among other people, but I did it all by myself, and it was quite awesome.

A Day of Indulgences...
Yes, it's Saturday, but I woke up before 7. Made myself breakfast and then decided to indulge myself at Starbucks. I journaled for a while and talked to Erin on the phone. Then I went to Lifeway and indulged in a Christy Nockels CD, a study guide, and a book I've been wanting for several months. I then hopped over to the library to indulge in free books and free CDs. I then indulged in one of my favorite places, Baja Fresh, which most of my friends seem to dislike for some reason. It was gooood. After lunch, I indulged in a real hair cut for a real price (including shampoo and styling), but I'm quite satisfied with it. Then I indulged in a chick flick at the movie theater where I even bought Raisinettes. And now here I am, indulging in the awesome smell of salonified hair, ready to eat a frozen pizza and watch West Wing. And I'm pretty sure there will be ice cream later.

Insights:
I love getting my hair cut...even if it looks bad in the end, the process is freeing and renewing for me...not to mention anyone playing with my hair is my friend.
I detest skinny jeans on guys.
I was all alone today, but it's been just what I needed. I'm quite good company. ;)

In an effort to be more interesting...

2009-07-16T21:10:00.000-07:00

Tonight Beth and I went to volunteer training at TPAC tonight. That basically means we volunteer, like handing out programs, or greeting people at the front door, and then get to watch the shows for free!!! Woohoo! Just in time for Wicked, which I desperately want to see, but not for $85!

Then, in an effort to not become (more) boring, I decided to make a pointed effort at social activity tonight and went to the blues dance. I was fun to get my groove on for a while and see some people I don't see often. I've been toying with the idea of taking dance lessons again, but I'm not sure if I'm really ready to do the time and money.

I've also been toying with the idea of school, but I'm pretty sure I'd rather just be a well-rounded hobby person and be the house mom. We'll see.

Yesterday was my first official day as assistant manager at the store, and I enjoy having more responsibilities and things to make the day go by faster. It's back-to-school time, which means busy...and busy is definitely good.

Family Pic

2009-07-13T20:11:00.000-07:00

Sure, you can go to Walmart and sit for an hour waiting for your turn at family portraits, or you could just go home, figure out how to work your camera timer, and get this...

A Fourth to Remember

2009-07-05T09:40:00.000-07:00

Beth and I haven't been in the States to celebrate many 4ths, and when we were in China, we pretty much used everything as an excuse to celebrate, so when we couldn't remember what we did for the 4th last year, we were really stumped. Beth consulted her handy dandy blog to see what was going on last year...we were flying over the ocean. That's why we couldn't remember a grand 4th party. :)

So last night we set out to celebrate even though our grilling got rained out. We went to see the downtown firework show even though the news talked about huge rain storms and possible tornados. The fireworks were pretty impressive, even standing in the heaviest rain I've ever experienced! We were SOAKED. But it was fun, and certainly memorable. Even more memorable was the impromptu dance party that happened after we got back, just me, Justin, and Beth. Now THAT was a time. :)

Restless Life Syndrome

2009-06-27T14:29:00.000-07:00

I wouldn't dare call myself adventurous, and I still hate change and things that challenge me, but China has certainly put a restlessness in me. Maybe it's not China. But I find myself extremely uncomfortable with the idea of nothing to look forward to. For the last, well, forever, my life has been marked by one semester after another, one trip after another, always something to look ahead to and plan for. But now, I'm about to start a full-time job, one that I already know, and there's nothing new on the horizon!

I realized today that most normal people probably feel this right out of college, the next step for them: marriage. And when they grow restless in marriage, there's always kids to add to the mix. I guess China has made me a late bloomer.

Jehovah Jireh

2009-06-23T18:35:00.000-07:00

Jehovah Jireh. That's what we named Brad's car when the Lord provided.

And they named the car Jehovah Jireh which means the Lord provides because that is where the Lord provided....

and it's what we constantly tell each other now. When your checkbook balance says $4.00 - Jehovah Jireh. When the gas station doesn't take cards and you remember cash in a birthday card - Jehovah Jireh. When you rarely buy food but eat like Kings - Jehovah Jireh. When you live in an awesome house with awesome friends, and you're all poor - Jehovah Jireh.

When I came back from China and couldn't find a job, Tammy needed me to work for her. And when Tammy planned to go on tour, and I didn't know how I was going to get paid, Caryn took me back at the Parent-Teacher Store, and when Tammy extended her tour, a third loan payment was added each month, and I hit my car, I got promoted to assistant manager at the store. Jehovah Jireh.

Sucks to be a big idiot

2009-06-22T13:56:00.000-07:00

The Kia suffered some minor cosmetic damage today due to my own carelessness. :( I did cry a little, but only cause I felt embarrassed and stupid. I'd made it 10 years with no incidents! Thankful no one was hurt.

Big 26

2009-06-22T13:48:00.000-07:00

I woke up Thursday morning to the biggest birthday card ever, a collage of 26 things my roommates love about me. I love them. Then I had a birthday haircut, and did my usual running around. We went out to eat, and then had zhende Chinese milk tea! We got to speak a little (bad) Chinese, then Brad and the waitress sang Happy Birthday to me in Chinese. Beth gave me a cutting board (to match the cleaver I got her for her birthday) and bug spray. Practical and thoughtful. :)

My "party" was Saturday. We gathered some of my favorite people and went to Arrington Vineyards. We had a wine tasting, including an amazing raspberry wine with truffles! We sat by the vineyards, sipping wine, eating good food, and enjoying fine company. In addition to my everyday awesome friends, Erin and Jason were visiting from Colorado and Russ, my old dance buddy, was there too! We did a little dancing, sweat to death, and then headed back. A classy birthday indeed.

26 feels easier than 25. Though I frowned a little when I realized I had already completed my 26th year and was already starting the 27th...

Happy Surprise!

2009-06-16T08:44:00.000-07:00

Caley taught Zumba this morning! Now many of you have heard me talk about Caley. She's this cute little white chick that teaches Zumba at the Y and man can she move! Seriously, it's ridiculous. But hers is the most challenging class and feels the most like bustin' a move, so I enjoy it most and work the hardest in it. Sadly, she's had substitutes for the last two weeks, and her fill-ins were good, but not Caley. :) This morning she subbed for a different teacher! What a great surprise. Normally we do class in the gym cause lots of ladies love this class, but the speakers weren't working right. In the middle of the class we had to move down into the small studio. The studio was packed, and they even put another teacher out in the hall! With 10 minutes left in class, studio was so steamy that you couldn't see in the mirrors and the floor was slippery and squeaky! Anyway, it was a good, sweaty time.

I went to weigh myself after class not knowing what to expect. I haven't been writing down my food the past week or two, just eating sensibly...lots of veggies, not much meat. I stepped on and put it to where I was last week. The scale didn't balance. I kept moving it up, adding more weight to make it balance, but it still wouldn't. I was thinking, dang! I've blown all my progress! Then I realized that I was moving it the wrong way and I'd actually lost 1.5! :) So I met my birthday goal two days early and lost an extra .5! Woot!

Ray of Hope

2009-06-14T09:54:00.000-07:00

Brad, Beth, and I went to Ray of Hope Community Church this morning. Our landlord is the pastor there, and it is just a one minute's walk from our house. I will say that there was only one other white guy besides us there. :) But I've never experienced such a warm and welcoming church. Toward the beginning of the service they stopped and had visitors stand up. Then the congregation went around giving holy hugs...I can't remember the last time that many people hugged me. It was an energetic, enthusiastic 2 1/2 hours of praise and "bringing of the Word." They seem to be very involved in our community and passionate about living out the Word. It was very encouraging, and of course, I've always wanted to rock out in a black church. Today was the day. :)

Progress

2009-06-12T07:17:00.000-07:00

- 7 lbs!
- 6 in!

Beth and I tried an H2O cardio class last night at the Y. I will say we were the youngest and fittest of the group, but man my core is sore today! I've almost finished week 2 of Couch to 5k training. I think I've found my race... October 10th, Race for the Cure with Beth! Hopefully Brad and some others will be joining.

A day in the life of a housewife...

2009-06-08T14:23:00.000-07:00

Since I'm just working part-time and two of my roommates are now full-time students, I feel more and more like a housewife or stay-at-home mom, not that I mind... I'm pretty good at it ;).

8:30: Wake up, breakfast, check email
9:00: Start laundry
9:30: "Rescue" less than perfect produce from the Farmer's Market.
11:00: Peel and cut a million rescued peaches and freeze them.
12:00: Make lunch - quesadillas!
12:30: Continue the chopping of rescued veggies - salsa! Cut up a ton of squash and freeze it.
1:00: Drop Brad off at the library
1:15: Workout
2:15: Finish laundry, clean kitchen, take shower
3:15: Make peach cobbler out of aforementioned million peaches
4:15: Make spaghetti sauce from scratch in preparation for a quick dinner
6:00: Pick up Brad at the library

And I usually end my night with something really crazy, like reading a book, or watching an episode of West Wing :)

Couch to 5k

2009-06-04T18:37:00.000-07:00

I started my "couch to 5k" training last week. It's basically just a training schedule to get you from running nothing, to running 5k in 9 weeks. I'm giving myself ample time and setting my goal for a 5k in October. There are several this summer, but who wants to run in the heat?! So the first week you're supposed to run/walk at certain intervals no matter how easy or hard it seems. This week isn't too bad, but we'll see how I progress. A few weeks ago I was run/walking 1.77 miles/30 min. Now I'm up to 1.88 miles/30 min. Slow but steady...

My new toy

2009-06-04T14:39:00.001-07:00

Happy early Birthday to me! I bought a used 1978 Ovation Balladeer last night. And I don't really know much about that, but it's pretty and plays well. I've been shopping around now for a few weeks and loved this guitar when I saw it and played it! A little over my self-given budget, but it's an investment, right? :)

Package!!

2009-06-03T13:15:00.000-07:00

We always made a big deal and posted about getting packages in China, so I feel my first box from China should also be celebrated! Peach sent us a box of goodies! Milk tea, ri gambien (hot fried noodles), jasmine tea, and more! Now to just get Peach in a box...

Yay!

2009-05-28T17:51:00.000-07:00

-6 lbs in 3 weeks. Yay! :)

Oh, and Brad is FINALLY IN NASHVILLE! YAAAAAYYYY!

Singing with Tammy

2009-05-24T14:07:00.000-07:00

Here are two of the videos from Tammy's BongoJava show...of course they're the ones with me singing. :) Check out the rest on YouTube! It was fun to sing harmony live with Tammy, though next time I'll make sure there's time for a sound check for me...I couldn't hear myself at all. Turned out decent for singing deaf. :)

Shameless promo: Check out the rest of Tammy's music (and my harmony ;)) on iTunes! She's working on an acoustic album to go along with her European tour this summer, so stay tuned for more. Also, you can follow Tammy on her tour through her blog: tammyrochelle.blogspot.com!

"Goodbye Hero" by Tammy Rochelle

"Beautiful Love" by Tammy Rochelle

Progress

2009-05-19T13:28:00.000-07:00

Last week I did pretty well with eating healthier stuff and working out. More veggies, less meat, dairy, and sugar. I even wrote down everything I ate and did some Weight Watcher point counting. I zumba-d three or four times...and lost 2 lbs! Yay. I ran/walked yesterday - 1.77 miles/30 min. My goal is to run all of a 5 k for Halloween. Wish me luck!

Tears of Gratitude

2009-05-16T20:04:00.001-07:00

I got to video chat with Peach tonight. And I held it together for our chat, but now am crying my face off, of course. I decided to go ahead and made a good cry of it, so I looked through some of my old China pictures. All I could think of the whole time was "Thank you so much." I am filled with an inexpressible amount of gratitude for the chance to have experienced all I did in China, to form amazing friendships that go deeper than many I have here. I may never experience such a rich existence again. Sure there were times China drove me crazy, but I wouldn't trade even the worst of times in China. I am blessed beyond measure to even miss something this much; that shows just how amazing and meaningful it was.

Yichang. 2015.

A Good Day...

2009-05-12T19:14:00.000-07:00

With Tammy out of town and nowhere specific to go, I've felt a lot like a housewife...sans husband and children. Most of my days consist of random errands, cleaning, reading, and pretty much anything that will keep me busy. Today I really enjoyed it.

-Went to Zumba and rocked it
-The roof got fixed!
-Bartered with a man about mowing the lawn (and two others later on...our yard is a jungle.)
-Made a delicious, healthy, veggie/hummus sandwich for lunch
-Cleaned up my mess
-Did laundry
-Bought a fish (name TBA)
-Rearranged some flowers
-Cleaned the toaster oven and microwave (and boy are they shiny!)
-Chatted with the ceiling painter guy and was encouraged by his "You are precious. Don't let anyone tell you anything different." Nothing like a sweet black man with dreads and an awesome accent to remind you of your status as a child of God.

Oh, and I went to a meeting tonight about how to be a pot dealer. Seriously, I might sell cookware part-time. Stay tuned for that one.

Stuff White People Like

2009-05-10T21:34:00.000-07:00

I borrowed a book from Beth called "Stuff White People Like" by Christian Lander. It is hilarious. He goes through 150 things white people like with fantastic dry humor. Surprisingly, according to this book I'm only 30% white, but it was quite hilarious to learn more about how to "understand" my own white culture. I would definitely recommend this book. Kim, you definitely need to read this one!

From the back cover:
They love nothing better than sipping free-trade gourmet coffee, leafing through the Sunday New York Times, and listening to David Sedaris on NPR (ideally all at the same time). Apple products, indie music, food co-ops, and vintage T-shirts make them weak in the knees.

They believe they're unique, yet somehow they're all exactly the same, talking about how they "get" Sarah Silverman's "subversive" comedy and Wes Anderson's "droll" films. They're also down with diversity and up on all the best microbrews, breakfast spots, foreign cinema, and authentic sushi. They're organic, ironic, and do not own TVs. You know who they are: They're white people. And they're here, and you're gonna have to deal. Fortunately, here's a book that investigates, explains, and offers advice for finding social success with the Causacsian persuasion. So kick back on your IKEA couch and lose yourself in the ultimage guide to the unbearable whiteness of being.

Diet Cake!

2009-05-10T18:40:00.000-07:00

A most amazing and delicious discovery...
You can substitute diet coke for eggs and oil in a cake mix recipe! Online people seem to recommend chocolate cake mix and diet coke. Tonight I tried yellow cake mix with diet coke and sugar free chocolate pudding. Mix it up and bake as usual. I topped it with cool whip and it was grand! I've heard you can mix your sodas. White cake and diet cream soda...or sprite...or orange soda. The possibilities are endless! Pretty exciting! There's rumor of "diet" pumpkin pie...you know I'll be right on that!
Happy baking :)

Why'd I Come Back?

2009-05-10T13:31:00.001-07:00

Today I went to the park for "church." I knew every sermon would be about Mother's Day today, and for some reason, that seemed annoying to me. So I parked it on a bench and read these words of comfort:

"In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade - kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." 1 Peter 1: 3-7

I don't know that coming back from China would be considered a "trial", but it certainly carries with it grief. And maybe part of my return was to strengthen my faith, precious to God, to give him glory in the end.

So I sat thinking about the reasons I came back. Part of it was just a feeling. It seemed like the right time, or maybe not so much a right time but as good a time as any. I didn't feel like I was supposed to stay there for my whole life, so it seemed a logical time to leave. I was also excited about the things happening with my friends in Nashville and wanted to be a part of that. A small voice in the back of my brain was saying maybe I should go back now before I solidly become an old maid to see if there is a man for me (not that God couldn't ship him overseas if he wanted...) And now I see reasons I couldn't before. I've been able to be with Beth through her treatment, been able to help Tammy, help Brad. I don't think I made a wrong choice. I know God will grow and use me in either place. But a grand thought crossed my mind this morning...

What if I give myself until age 35. At 35, if I'm not married and tied down...why not go back? Or if I am married to someone amazing who wants to come with me...that could work too. Give myself some time to pay off my loans and then head across the ocean...? It's just a dream and a thought, but how fun it would be if Beth, Brad, and I all headed back...heck, maybe Kim and Katie too...the Indians...it could be a grand reunion...

Oh China

2009-05-09T18:13:00.000-07:00

I'm missing China so much at this second I could burst. Too many China hits today: seeing old waiguoren at the craft fair, emails from Peach, pictures from Brad, emails from Sooraj, seeing pictures on Facebook, hearing that Yichang is getting a Walmart!

It's easier to block it. It physically hurts sometimes to remember. But at the same time it feels good to at least feel it. Does that make sense?

A part of me still doesn't want to "move on." Is there a way to reconcile both of my worlds? It sounds hokey but I truly long for Heaven when all of the people I love so much will finally get to meet and we can all hang out together.

Craft Fair

2009-05-09T15:04:00.000-07:00

Beth and I survived the craft fair today! Several friends came out and we made more than our "booth" fee, so I consider that successful. I think I ended up selling 30 cards! Beth's magnets were a big hit, and I've thought of some ways to improve my cards. I think they're making this a monthly event, so maybe I'll do it again! Thanks so much to everyone who stopped by. It was great to catch up and be supported. :)

Honesty

2009-05-08T10:32:00.001-07:00

Recently I've been feeling really honest. And generally, honesty pays. At least this past week it has. Yet often I'm not totally honest with myself, and that needs to change. So I'm going to be really honest with the blogging world.

I have a real weight problem.

And sure that's obvious to all of you, and to me, but I never say it. Like if I don't say it, no one will notice. Well, it's a problem and has been for my entire life. At each new turn I've thought, this will be it, this will be the time. I thought China would be it - walking everywhere, eating "healthy Chinese food" - ha. I even joined a gym in China, and Brad and I were fairly faithful at it - he desperately wanting to gain weight, and me desperately wanting to lose it. What a team. But what was gained and lost and gained again was about the same. In college I actually managed to lose about 25 lbs, but now after China, I'm nearly back up to the top! (I don't think Flying Saucer Mondays helped me out for that first month!)

It's always made me mad b/c I'm not lazier than other people. In fact, I might be more active than lots of people I know! I dance, I gym, I walk. I don't eat worse than other people! I freaking gave up sugar for 6 weeks. I like hummus and veggies and fruit. I eat whole grain bread. I don't drink sugary stuff. But I suppose now I'm paying for past habits, and now my poor metabolism has been confused to the point of death. Sure I like chocolate, and sure, I eat when I'm bored. But name five skinny people that don't!!

Anyway, I say all that to say this. Maybe I need to be more public with my struggles. Maybe I need that kind of accountability. So I've joined PEERTrainer, a site (FREE!) to log my thoughts and my food. They suggested that you make a list of your motivation for losing weight, and be really detailed and honest. So here it is: my honesty for all of you.

MOTIVATION:
-To not live in fear of what I can't do/achieve. (This is one huge reason I hated traveling abroad. I was always afraid something was around the corner that I couldn't manage.)
-To keep up and not feel left out.
-To feel smokin' hot!
-To have a chance at a relationship (or at least making out ;) )
-To wear cute things and shop in normal stores
-To someday be one of those amazingly beautiful pregnant women
-To not hate summer and its skimpiness
-To someday inspire others
-To not be mastered by anything and give Satan a foothold in my life

I joined the Y a few weeks ago and having been going a couple of times a week. I want to run the Halloween 5k this year. In China, I'd gotten up to running for 16 minutes...today 2 minutes was pushing it. So now I have goals and motivation. Let the losing begin...

East Nashville Craft Fair

2009-05-07T20:28:00.000-07:00

Saturday Beth and I are participating in our first craft fair! I'm selling (hopefully) my handmade note cards, and Beth is selling super cute magnets. I'm also going to be selling Tammy's jewelry and art. If you're around Saturday, stop by and check it out! I'd love to see you!

It's at the 5 points in East Nashville at Billups Studio, the white building behind Battered 'N Fried (near Beyond the Edge).
11 am - Sundown
There will be live music and lots of folks out, so hope to see you there!

Chokin' Down Manna

2009-05-05T20:12:00.001-07:00

I was thinking tonight how easily we get tired of manna. Sure God is daily raining down my provision, just enough and nothing more. And it was exciting at first, the novelty of my sustenance appearing from thin air. But as the days go by...manna...manna...manna. It seems the same ole thing, like I expect God to perform some new amazing miracle everyday. But the Israelites lived for years on manna, and in God's goodness He even provided meat. I'm hoping a little meat comes my way someday, but for now I'm trying to learn to live with enough for each day and not worry about manna for tomorrow.

*I'm hoping for more of an Exodus 16 experience than a Numbers 11!

Cinco de Meiyou

2009-05-05T07:36:00.000-07:00

Just realized it's Cinco de Mayo. Funny how if I were in China I would no doubt celebrate this holiday that isn't mine with some ridiculous party that required cheese from Wuhan, homemade sour cream, a scary trip to a meat market, and mourning for guacamole. We never hesitated to celebrate everything there even though nothing was convenient. I miss that.

Weekend Review

2009-05-04T20:09:00.001-07:00

It was a fab weekend! Allow me to recap...

1. Brad came! Woot!
2. Friday Beth finished 6 weeks of radiation, so we celebrated Boob Day in her honor with a champagne toast and ate at Hooters. Then we went to the Big Bang piano bar where she received a piano serenade! (There was also the ditching of a hick, which was sad but entertaining to watch).
3. Four of my favorite guys in the world were in one place for the first time ever! Brad, Daniel, Josh, and Jordan. Had Carl and Justin been there, the world might have ended.
4. We went to Natchez Trace for church Sunday, and I had major flashbacks to the church I went to when I was little. And I swear it was my mother's voice singing alto coming out of my mouth...
5. Sunday night Brad, Beth, Josh, and I went to the Gurst House for dinner and then the Deathcab for Cutie concert!!!!!
6. Did I mention Brad was in town and is moving here in 3 weeks?!
7. Craigslist redeemed itself after the Great Scam of '09. I bought an excellent futon for $40 and an beautiful wood table for $10 today!

Jesus is Smart

2009-05-01T07:59:00.000-07:00

I'm reading The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard. So far it's pretty academic and stretching my slowly deteriorating intellect (it's been a loooong time since I've read academically), but the part I read last night really made me think. Jesus is smart. A paragraph or two talks about how in Jesus' miracles, he is so smart that He knew how to transform molecules in His miracles. I never really think too hard about the miracles. If you do, your brain will explode. I just accept on faith that Jesus did miracles, and in my mind I guess they are kind of like magic. But the idea of Jesus knowing the molecular structure of water to make it wine is pretty impressive.

"That knowledge also allowed him to take a few pieces of bread and some little fish and feed thousands of people. He could create matter from the energy He knew how to access from the heavens, right where he was...He knew how to transform the tissues of the human body from sickness to health and from death to life. He knew how to suspend gravity, interrupt weather patterns, and eliminate unfruitful trees without saw or ax."

"He is not just nice, he is brilliant. He is the smartest man who ever lived."

This makes me think in a new way about trusting in Jesus. It makes me think again when I think I know what I'm doing. The smartest Being in the world is looking after my good interest, so maybe I should let Him do what He thinks best.

SCAM!

2009-04-30T10:03:00.000-07:00

Well, its been an interesting week. I've been applying for part-time jobs on Craig's List and wherever I can find them. Working for Tammy is great, but I could use some additional income. One day last week I was feeling really anxious about money and worrying about stuff out of my control, then I received a reply back from one of the many postings I replied to...

It was a guy named Desmond. Said he and his family (with pregnant wife) were moving to the States and would need someone to help them get settled in and clean each week. He'd mentioned something about organizing and using the computer...sounds perfect for me, right? Well, he said I'd just need to clean three hours a day for $650 a week! $650! Now I won't lie. I lost a bit of sleep over that first email. Do you know what I could do with $650 a week? A month even? I was dreaming of paying off loans, putting Brad through school, working for Tammy for free. I thought, wow! God is really providing! He's entrusted me with little, and now He's entrusting me with much. Sure I thought it sounded too good to be true, but then we all know people who do ridiculous jobs for ridiculous amounts of money. And now you're all judging me, seeing this as an obvious scam...but I did title it scam so you had a hint. :)

Anyway, over the course of emailing back a few times, my bubble was pretty deflated, realizing it probably wasn't for real. I asked advice from some of my friends and they, like me figured it probably wasn't real, but how awesome it would be if it was! So it all culminated today with a $4500 check arriving at my house with instructions to deposit it and make a wire transfer. Um, yeah right. Scam. The check has been ripped up.

There were several obvious hints at a scam:
He'd never give me numbers or references to call. He wouldn't give me a formal contract. The apartment he is supposedly moving into said no one by that name was moving in when I called. And why would he need to send me a check to pay for shipping his junk across the ocean (oh yeah, did I mention he said he was moving over here with his pregnant wife from SCOTLAND?)...why couldn't he pay for it himself. Anyways. Retrospect.

Just FYI:

Recognizing scams

Most scams involve one or more of the following:

inquiry from someone far away, often in another country
Western Union, Money Gram, cashier's check, money order, shipping, escrow service, or a "guarantee"
inability or refusal to meet face-to-face before consumating transaction

My guy had all three. What a winner.

I'll admit I feel a little stupid now. I am thankful this didn't go any further into something more stupid. But what a cruel trick that on the day I felt lowest about money an offer that was too good to be true came through. Guess I'll have to keep depending on God for my daily bread. :) Jehovah Jireh.

She did it!

2009-04-25T11:19:00.000-07:00

Go Beth Go!

2009-04-24T20:33:00.000-07:00

Beth is running the Country Music 1/2 Marathon tomorrow...so we're headed out early to see what we can see and cheer on the runners. Jia you!!

Hiking

2009-04-17T11:04:00.000-07:00

I went for a solo hike today, and I do use the term "hike" loosely. But I was outside on a trail, so that's hiking, yeah? It was a beautiful date with God: amazing scenery, unbelievable weather. I did most of the talking, but He got in a few words too.

"O send out Your light and Your truth, let them lead me; Let them bring me to Your holy hill And to Your dwelling places." Psalm 43:3

Jiminy Cricket!

2009-04-16T20:42:00.000-07:00

Funny story.

I was working with Tammy the other day, my purse on the table, and we both noticed at the same time something jump up out of my purse and fall back in. We just shrugged it off and thought that was strange...must be nothing...trick of light? Then last night, 7-8 hours later, I threw my purse down on the floor getting ready for bed, and out hops a grasshopper.

a. Where did a freaking grasshopper come from?
b. How long has it been there!?
c. Crap, its in my room now and I can't catch it.

So who knows where it is now. It didn't wake me up at least. Probably jumped all over me in my sleep.

Could this be a sign of grasshopper pie to come? (hint, hint, Beth) :)

Symphonic Thoughts

2009-04-16T20:36:00.000-07:00

I went to the symphony tonight with Beth (because she is an endless fount of random free tickets) :) and by intermission I'd dreamed up all kinds of awesome things I want to do in my amazing eclectic life. Guess all the mind needs is some excellent music performed by ridiculously talented people and the chance to slow down and wonder/wander...

I want to learn African dance
I want a blue guitar
I want to run a 5K
I want to be a small part of a grand musical production
I want to go to Maine
I want to go hiking alone

We'll see which of these actually happens :)

Yay.

2009-04-02T07:56:00.001-07:00

Yay. More transition.

Those of you who know me know that I love new things, love adventure, love the feeling of being unsettled and just "rolling with it." Yeah, no. I hate all of those things. And the moment I feel slightly stable and able to relax, the ground shifts again. I'm not asking for comfortable, I'm just asking to catch my breath.

Community House.
To be or not to be?
For me or not for me?

Wisdom from Sunday...

2009-03-30T21:31:00.001-07:00

Spiritual restlessness is part of the process of sanctification. It's when you get comfortable and satisfied with your Walk that you should get worried.

Monday Morning Surprise

2009-03-30T07:57:00.000-07:00

Tammy and Josh went "shopping" last night... and I woke up to this...

Amy,
Roses are red
but these ones are pink
They came from the dumpster
but at least they don't stink!

Amy,
Flowers are pretty
and so is your face
This cup would be cooler
If it looked like a vase.

Amy,
What do you do
if your flowers get frisky?
Liquor 'em up
with some old fashioned whiskey!

Not a bad start to a Monday!

God is Good

2009-03-29T10:59:00.001-07:00

In the midst of my grieving over China, God is good. That's part of why its so hard...every time I read a passage I'm reminded of special moments, amazing talks. Every time I hear the word grace, I think about my "grace" tattoo and how Brad always used that as an object lesson. So last night, teary as I was, I opened and read from the greatest Story ever told and found comfort there. Not 30 minutes later, Peach called. China isn't dead. And neither are those relationships.

Sure I'd fly back in a minute, but one thing that holds me back is knowing someday I would have to feel all of this again. I know this is a process, and for now, I just have to deal with it. I have to take root here. I have to find new ways to be purposeful.

This morning I was so encouraged...I went to my old church, and it has dwindled down to a beautiful group of genuine Christ seekers. It was refreshing and rejuvenating to see old faces that are truly glad to see me, people that have kept up with me, people that care.

God's timing is perfect. And He is good.

Sweet Peach

2009-03-28T21:23:00.001-07:00

Peach saw my blog about Earth Hour and participated on her own last night in China...turned off her lap top and lights and made a bonfire outside. I love that girl to pieces.

Reverse Culture Shock SUCKS.

2009-03-28T20:57:00.000-07:00

I've spent most of the evening crying, which is fairly out of character for me. Though lately I can't make it through a worship service without losing it. I miss Yichang.

And then my wise mother mentioned reverse culture shock when I was ready to hop on a plane...and I remembered this email that was sent to me when I first got back.

First, there's real excitement to get back to the good ol' USA. It's clean. It smells good. Nobody stares at you. Suddenly you can understand all the conversations around you (it may even feel like sensory overload). And you can no longer see over the tops of everyone's heads—and the heads aren't all black. Amazing! Then there's the joy of seeing your loved ones and friends again. And eating favorite foods you've desperately missed. And what about the amazingly clean bathrooms—with TOILET PAPER and hot water? Pure luxury!

That's the honeymoon phase. After awhile the excitement starts to wear off a little bit, then it's time to begin readjusting to American life. Suddenly, everything seems terribly expensive. And you can't even bargain! At first you get lots of attention from your family and friends. But soon they have to go back to their routines, and you realize that they just don't have a lot of time to spend with you—or to listen to your "China stories". Sometimes they don't even seem all that interested. Oh maybe they are at first—for about 10 minutes. And if you're REALLY lucky, they'll even sit and look at your pictures for 15 or 20 minutes. But soon you become aware of glazed eyes, people changing the subject, or maybe even trying to avoid the subject altogether. The problem is not that they don’t care, it’s just that they have no way to relate to what you are telling them. Unless they have lived overseas, they have no meaningful framework to put your stories in. Quoting from the Peace Corp book: “you have a whole novel to tell and to you it is as compelling as a ‘can’t-put-it-down’ thriller. You’re stuck with an audience that prefers short stories.”* You simply must not let yourself feel hurt or offended. It really isn’t their fault.

This is the beginning of reverse culture shock. Yes, it’s real. Many people have said, “This was SO MUCH HARDER than the culture shock I had in China! I didn’t expect coming home to be this hard!” The good news is you will get through it eventually.

“I can’t decide!” That was my cry every time I tried to buy cold cereal after returning to the States. In China, at least we could get a couple different kinds—but they were incredibly expensive (especially when two children could eat a whole box at one sitting). With few choices for several years, this dazzling array was overwhelming: sweetened, unsweetened, oats, rice, corn, or wheat, in a box or bag, plain, with or without fruit or nuts. “It’s too much!” I lamented. The cereal section was a whole aisle long, top to bottom.

One friend we visited when we first returned asked me to help her make spaghetti. “Takes about 30 minutes,” she said. “Not where I came from,” I thought. It couldn’t be done. I envisioned thawing the meat as I cooked it, while cutting garlic, onions, and tomatoes to be sautéed. It would take almost half an hour to get the noodles cooked after boiling the water and we’d still have salad and garlic bread to make. She asked me to prepare the salad while she popped the meat in the microwave to thaw and cook, opened a can of sauce to warm in a pot, and buttered the bread with garlic butter from the refrigerator! We only had to set the table while the noodles cooked! I encountered these differences again and again. This was my home country, for crying out loud. Why did I feel so uneasy with the ease?

Along about this time you may start to notice that you sometimes feel like an outsider. Conversations about events which you did not experience with your family or friends may leave you feeling out of the loop. Time went on while you were gone, and their lives and yours were on different paths. You are both different people. If you want to re-establish those relationships, you will have to work at it again. You may expect to just pick up your life and my relationships where you left off. But it doesn’t happen that way. It can’t. You must re-form some of those relationships again. Be patient, and give it time. And accept that some things may never really be the same again. This is another aspect of reverse culture shock—loss.

I sat in a ladies’ meeting, sheepishly quiet while those wonderful sisters talked about fashion. Fashion! When was the last time you had tea and talked about fashion? You’re more likely to have tea and discuss the latest case of diarrhea. I was uncomfortable, like a waif at the Ritz. Sitting in a ladies meeting and listening to conversations about what was the “in” color for the year and what style clothes to buy made me very uncomfortable. Not that I envied them. I just could not relate.

The most common reactions to reverse culture shock are disappointment and loneliness. A survey of returned Peace Corp volunteers listed the following issues as being the most difficult during their readjustment to living in the US:

materialism 74%
abundance/waste of goods 74%
indifference of fellow Americans 70%
fast pace of living 67%
feelings of not belonging 56%
high cost of living 60%
finding a job 43%*

A common behavior that results from these feelings is resistance. Some resist going back to their former American lifestyle. There can be a subconscious fear that to do so is to deny the time you spent in China. That somehow, you might lose what you have gained. Another form of resistance is to find fault with the U.S. and Americans. And some resist by deciding that they will not stay in the U.S. for long—that they are really just passing through. The truth is, “until you can begin to be happy in your home culture, you dare not let go completely of your other home in China.”*

This is the critical stage, the stage where you have to find a purpose. You must find some way to do something meaningful. You have been living a life where every day held the possibility of making a difference in someone’s life. But when you come back, that feeling is very difficult to find in the “normal” daily life here at home. As one China teacher said after she started back to work at an office job: “It all just seems so POINTLESS. At least in China I was helping people by helping them with English, if nothing else.” So you must search for a purpose. If you are going to stay in the US, you MUST re-adjust. You can do it by letting go and putting China behind you and moving on as if it never happened. OR, you can do it by taking the lessons that you’ve learned while living there, and the positive changes you’ve experienced in your own life, and put them to work.

When returned Peace Corp volunteers were asked how long it took to be comfortable with U.S. culture, nearly half said about 3 months. But nearly a third said it took a year or longer.

Don’t worry that you will “forget” China. It will always be a part of you. Remember, China will still be there and you can visit. In fact if you feel like it and it’s at all possible, you should plan to go back for a visit. It will help you to realize that those friends you leave behind are still there and they still love you. They didn't "die"--even though it may feel like it when you say that final goodbye and wonder if you will ever see their faces or hear their voices again.

For a final quote from the Peace Corp book, “Gradually you begin to make your peace with more and more features of your life back home. You understand, too, that readjustment, feeling comfortable and at home again back in the States, doesn’t have to spell the end of attitudes and values, even some of the behaviors, you took on when you were abroad and which now make up part of who you are…In some ways…you will never readjust, which may be just as it should be.”*

*Some quotes are from “Peace Corp Odyssey: The Voyage Home”, produced by Peace Corp Returned Volunteer Services, Office of Domestic Programs, Washington, DC 20526, www.peacecorp.gov

Earth Hour

2009-03-28T09:15:00.000-07:00

Tonight at 8:30 pm, Nashville will go dark! The Parthenon, the honky tonks, all of downtown, will turn of the lights for Earth Hour. Nashville was selected as a key city in the US because apparently the southeastern US has some of the most diverse aquatic ecosystems. The World Wildlife Fund is making this area a priority and trying to restore and preserve the remaining aquatic habitat.

I don't know much about aquatic habitats, but I think it's extremely cool for downtown to go dark. I have always wondered how much electricity is used by keeping all the lights on. Sure it's pretty and impressive, but come on...turn off the lights. Earth Hour is happening all over the world...participate!

www.earthhourus.org

Join hundreds of millions of people around the world in making a bold statement about climate change. By turning off your lights for one hour, Earth Hour, you will send a message that Americans care about this issue and stand with the rest of the world in finding solutions to the escalating climate crisis.

Earth Hour 2009--WWF's global climate change movement.
March 28, 2009 at 8:30 p.m. Turn out. Take action.

Too Much Thinkin'

2009-03-27T22:12:00.000-07:00

Can't sleep. Too much thinking. Thinking about random stuff and everything and can't shut my mind off. Brainstorming about working for Tammy. Jewelry parties. Art shows. Tour dates. Venues. Dreaming up plans for note cards. Wondering about taxes if I don't find a "real" job. Thinking about how I've coined an adjective: amosity, and given it the meaning "amyeskness" and how it's even cooler cause it has Amos in it, which is what Brad called me from time to random time. Thinking about going to zumba tomorrow and about how I should workout more, but who has time to work out. Thinking about how I only work 20 hours a week...why don't I have time to work out. Thinking that I'm re-acclimated to the States but right where I didn't want to be...busy with no accountability and no distinct purpose. Thinking about my China kiddos and how I miss them so much. Wishing I had a spiritual life and focus like I did in China. Missing my old Family. Thinking about Jehovah Jireh - the Lord provides - and trying not to worry about any of the things I'm thinking about. Wondering about community. Remembering I need to get my oil changed.

Abstrakta Show

2009-03-27T12:28:00.001-07:00

Having a job where I'm able to actively do something that helps someone out feels pretty good. Especially, when it's something like this! Tammy is in an art show! Nashville people, come check it out!

Plowhaus Artists Cooperative presents

ABSTRAKTA

April 4- 25, 2009

Opening Reception during Nashville Art Crawl: April 4th from 6-10pm

The Plowhaus Artists Cooperative of Nashville proudly presents ABSTRAKTA, an exhibition of abstract art. In this group exhibit, Plowhaus artists delve into art without limits, where form, color and composition become a universal means of communication to create an emotional response and spiritual connection with the community.

Artists include:

Carrie Mills, Susan Striepe, Franne Lee, Franco Scaramuzza, John Holland, Candice Brett, Barry A. Noland, Judy Klich, Stephen McClure, Nubian Sun, Tom Winnett, Robert Bruce Scott, Beth Inglish, Mandy Peitz. Jamie Bandtin, Marsha Rusk, for Odenedo

Betsy Clapsaddle, Mel Davenport, Celeste Holliman, Catherine Chaput, Michelle Schrieber, Shonna Sexton, John Barcus, Peach McComb, and Tammy Rochelle

The Plowhaus Artist's Cooperative
www.plowhaus.org
Tennessee Art League Building
808 Broadway, 2nd Floor
Nashville, Tenn.
Gallery Hours: Tues. - Sat. 10am to 4pm

About Plowhaus
Plowhaus is a 501(c)(3) artist-supported cooperative and gallery space dedicated to presenting new art to the Nashville community. Plowhaus was the first gallery to open in East Nashville. It is committed to support, challenge and inspire artistic growth among its members and to build, educate and sustain audiences for contemporary art.

I'm on Etsy!

2009-03-25T22:02:00.000-07:00

My newest venture is handmade note cards... I just got started, but you can buy them online!

www.amosity.etsy.com

Wish me luck!

Washinton, DC

2009-03-22T20:49:00.000-07:00

Well, we made our quick trip up to DC, and it was great! I really enjoyed walking around and seeing all the monuments and beautiful architecture. Pictures are up on facebook... more blogging to come.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2040993&id=147801990&l=dfb81f2ab1

Big Friday Night

2009-03-13T19:48:00.000-07:00

Wow. Beth and I had a big Friday night.

We wanted food. But not food at my house. We seriously walked around Kroger for 45 minutes looking for something to eat. Nothing sweet for me, nothing dairy for Beth (lent) which eliminates quite a bit of Kroger. We ended up with a plethora of jiangs that go on chips and crackers: guacamole, salsa, hummus, and bean dip. Nutritious.

We went home to eat and watch Fern Gully...yep, that's right. The cartoon classic about saving the rain forest. Beth and I talked about that movie alot in China; she found it for $5 at Walmart, hence Fern Gully on a Friday night.

We then commenced to organize our music and movies like two big dorks. We're a fun time. And now it's almost 10 and I can't wait to curl up and read a book.

I'm a fun time. :)

A Better Day...

2009-03-12T14:39:00.000-07:00

Today improved alot upon yesterday! I went to Beth's class today to help out with some stuff and all the kids gave me hugs and high fives. I even got a hug from the boy who doesn't hug! Then when I got home today, what was in the mailbox?! My India postcard! Brad, Beth, Kim, and Katie went to India last January and mailed a funny postcard to me. It was found in Yichang the day after I left this year! So over one year later, it finally made it into my hands in America. Hilarious.

Loss

2009-03-11T14:54:00.000-07:00

I found out today that Gisele, a fellow teacher at Three Gorges University, died today. I'm not too clear on the details, whether it was from the fire in her apartment or from jumping from the building. I am really in shock. I didn't know Gisele very well, but as foreigners living in Yichang, we all had a bond. We'd gone out a few times together, shared lesson plans, partied at New Year's. She was a newbie, and we all liked her. I guess it's affecting me so strongly because it could have been any of us. We all lived in crappy apartments with bars on the windows and wondered what we'd do in a fire. Gisele lived in Dawson's old apartment on the sixth floor. I guess I feel loss over a small piece of China gone. And in a way, I wish I were there to comfort her students and all the other foreign teachers there. It's so sobering.

Pray for her family. I can't imagine all that they will deal with in legalities with the government. Pray for her students. We shared many students, and they're so tender-hearted. They loved her as a teacher. And pray for those in Yichang with Wisdom to help those without in understanding and dealing with such a shocking event.

German teacher dies after jumping off dormitory in central China

www.chinaview.cn 2009-03-11 13:38:28

YICHANG, Hubei, March 11 (Xinhua) -- A German woman died after apparently jumping from the seventh floor of a university staff dormitory building in central China's Hubei Province Wednesday, police said.

The woman, believed to be aged 32, worked as an English teacher at the Yichang-based China Three Gorges University.

Her dormitory on the sixth floor caught fire at 9:30 a.m. and neighbors saw her jump from the top of the seven-story building.

A note that read "Do not resuscitate" in English was found on her body. Fire-fighters have put out the fire.

Police are investigating the cause of the death.

Jordan!

2009-03-10T12:51:00.000-07:00

Yay! Jordan came into town last night! I haven't seen him in forever, but he's still one of my favorite people in the world! It was good to catch up...and of course, hear the "Amy Song" Jordan style...with a little added harmony and lyrical help from Josh. :)

Recently...

2009-03-08T21:25:00.000-07:00

Brad's been in Nashville! Hence the non-blogging. Who has time to blog when the Brad is in town?! Other than that, nothing interesting...other than Beth, Brad, Justin, and I are planning a road trip to Washington DC next week! Woohoo! I've never been to DC!

Cincy!

2009-02-28T11:21:00.001-08:00

Beth and I are off to Cincinnati! Woohoo! To see the Brad at last.

Jobbed!

2009-02-27T10:12:00.000-08:00

Well after two closed libraries and a McDonald employee's internet PIN, I'm finally on the internet to tell you...I have a job!

My friend Tammy Rochelle is an independent musician working in Nashville. She's about to start promoting another album and wants my assistance! It's dealing with all the tedious contacting, booking, info gathering, and organizing that she hates - which is perfect for me as that's all the stuff I love! I'm not sure how many hours it'll turn into each week, but at this point I'm just so glad to have a task set before me and a chance to be efficient! Woohoo! :) I'll be working on promoting, organizing tour stuff, venues, and more. I'm pumped!

Check her out at www.TammyRochelle.com. And if you listen real close, you might hear me too :)

Gongyuan Pengyou!

2009-02-26T16:36:00.000-08:00

I met my park friend again today! I was walking around Centennial Park when Yang, the Chinese lady I met last week, walked up beside me. We did a few laps together (she walks way faster than me!) and she invited me to have dinner at her house next week! Real Chinese food! Yay! I was so glad that the weather was awesome - since that's what convinced me to go to the park instead of the community center - so that I could meet Yang again!

Yang is looking for some babysitting jobs if anyone knows someone in need, or anyone who needs a Chinese tutor...she'd be a great candidate!

At the Park

2009-02-20T08:44:00.000-08:00

So yesterday I went to go walk at Centennial Park and decided to feed the ducks some old bread while I was at it. As I was feeding the birds a woman walked up and watched as all the birds swarmed over and fought over the bread. She was Chinese! From China! I was so excited to talk with her and be able to talk about China! Her daughter is here going to school and she's just hanging out in Nashville for a few months. It was all I could do not to ask for her number so we could hang out later. I mean, that's how you make friends in China: Meet, talk, exchange numbers. But I couldn't really figure out how weird that would be Stateside so I didn't ask. Anyway, it made my day. And it also made me feel like a dork. Talk about role reversal...how many Chinese people came up to me in China to talk about America and my life there. Funny.

Bradda!

2009-02-17T17:28:00.001-08:00

So Brad was supposed to come this week to visit so I could plan his life and getting things rolling for him in Nashville. But he couldn't come. And I was so devastated! I think mostly because each day I wake up and think, okay, what on earth can I do today to fill my time. And having Brad here would have been a huge, awesome time-filler. It's so much more fun to plan someone else's life than to worry about mine. And Brad is such a huge connection to the life I just left behind. And I'm slowly forgetting, actually not forgetting. I can still remember when I try, but things don't pop in my head so often about China now. Things aren't as fresh. And sometimes it feels so distant and like it's fading away faster than I want. On one hand I feel disloyal, moving on quickly here in America, not suffering and moping everyday. But if I hold onto it and constantly dwell on China, I'll be miserable here. It's a fine line.

So I cried and let myself be pitiful for one night. I stuffed my face with ice cream with Beth (Thank goodness for Beth!). I let Monday drag by, tempting myself with ideas of driving up to Cincinnati just to have dinner with ole Brad so it would be like old times. And as much as I wanted to, I didn't. Another lesson for me in timing. We prayed so hard about Brad's future while we were in China, and now God is working it out! How selfish of me to want him here while God is providing for him there. So many lessons, so little time. And how awesome it will be when he finally does get here.

Judgementally discerning

2009-02-17T17:15:00.000-08:00

I've been struggling with my judgemental spirit alot this week. And at what point do you call it judgemental and not discerning? I've been going to a church that I have visited on and off over my time in China. And I always really enjoyed the novelty of it, the freedom to worship, well, freely. And so when I came back to the States I just kind of assumed that I would move forward in learning about the church and placing membership there. So I've gone to a few classes, and on paper it all lines up. And in general it seems like a great group of people working toward Christ-likeness. But on Sunday I had such a hard time turning my brain off. All I could think was, is this for real? Are these people real? Why is everyone so...pretty? Why does the church have to be so...nice? Ugh.

I think coming back I have overanticipated what I would run into and have prematurely built up a wall to protect myself from falling into the American mediocrity* that I'm so scared of. All that to say, it's too soon. I can't begin to identify myself with a specific body right now, just like I can't seem to commit to my friends' community project. I think I underestimated the time I would need to adjust - to figure out where it is I'm going here. There are too many variables right now for me to make so many things concrete so soon...even though concrete is what I want now. I guess I just have to take this time for what it is - transition. And a big lesson in patience and dependence.

*I know not all Americans are mediocre. And mediocrity can be found all over the world. But just go with me here.

Farmer's Market

2009-02-17T16:40:00.000-08:00

Today I finally made it around to going to the Farmer's Market. I say this like I've been insanely busy with a full schedule. Ha. I find it's harder to be productive and mark things off my "to do" list when I have nothing to do. Yeah.

Anyway, finally made it to the Farmer's Market. I've been reading and learning alot about buying locally and supporting those around me rather than buying stuff that may be more convenient but shipped halfway around the world. So today I walked in and went to the end of the row (where I figured fewer people shopped) and looked around at something to buy.

Oh, I should interject that I'm trying something new. I'm trying to get in my 5 fruits and veggies everyday b/c I know I rarely do. I figure instead of focusing on what I shouldn't be eating and cutting things out that I should try to do the opposite and fill up on what I'm supposed to eat in the first place, then maybe the bad stuff will just get shoved out. It's a theory anyway.

So I say that to say - The man I chose to buy from today was selling pretty much just turnip greens. Now I don't love turnip greens, but I felt bad snubbing my nose at all he had and thought I'd go out on a limb and try something I haven't had since I was like 12 in honor of my new quest for daily veggies. So the guy sold me a TON of turnip greens, and yes, a ham hock too. Go ahead and laugh. But it was satisfying to thank him directly for my lunch. And I didn't hate them.

Then on the way to my car I let an old man sweet talk me into some homemade country sausage. Hey, I'm a sucker. But the whole experience left me with an awesome feeling that I'd put money directly where it should go, and of course, it was reminscent of my life in China which filled me with more satisfaction than I'd felt in several days.

I will have to find some restraint at the Farmer's Market in the future...or they'll be sweet talking me into who knows what! My own cow? :)

Rejection

2009-02-17T16:30:00.000-08:00

While I was getting ready for an interview this morning, I missed a call about the other position I had interviewed for. Rejection is always better in a message. :) And do people really say "we're going in a different direction with this position?" I always thought that was just a joke. It's not. But thankfully what I felt was not disappointment, but relief. Right now I think I need a job that is full of rote, comfortable, scheduled, consistency, and the Americorp position I had applied for wasn't really any of those things to me.

I did have a good interview with Bread and Company this morning. The manager was really nice, and I think it might be a good transition job for me - something I don't have to think too hard about or be too...challenged. I don't like being challenged. :)

With everything around me being uncertain, undefined, unsettled, I'm just ready for something, anything to be concrete. And I'd like something to fill my time besides grading papers for Beth (though I do enjoy that) and watching endless episodes of "How I Met Your Mother."

So, I should find out more tomorrow about the Bread and Company position. And if that flops, then I'll do what I can to get myself out of panic mode and just trust that now is supposed to be a growing time and a huge lesson in provision. :)