Being Set Free Continued...

Within the first few lessons I felt cut to the core. The Spirit was really using the Word to call me out on so many things! One was glory. For whose glory was I trying to lose weight? Was it mine? So people would be impressed with me? So people would give me attention and congratulate me? Admire me? Yes to all. Was it for the glory of God? No. Error #1.

Another issue I’d had was anger with God. Why have you made me this way? Why haven’t you provided a way out for me? I had it all wrong. God hadn’t made me this way; I’d made myself this way by continually turning to food and trying to fill myself with things other than God. When I read this verse, I saw the Truth:

“Open wide your mouth and I will fill it. But my people would not listen to me; Israel would not submit to me. So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devices.” Ps. 80:10-12

God had been telling me, Amy, if you’ll just turn to me, I’ll fill your every need. I’ll satisfy you! Open wide your mouth and I will fill it! But I wouldn’t listen. In my stubbornness, I thought my way was best, so God gave me over to my own desires for a season. So it wasn’t God “making” me a certain way, it was a result of my own rebellion, of trying to put something in His place. Our choices have consequences, and mine you could see in a size 24.

Another issue was idols, an idol being anything you put before God, not necessarily a gold or wooden statue. It was easy for me to see how food had been an idol in my past. Where did I run for comfort, satisfaction, celebration, boredom, loneliness? Was it to God? My Creator, Sustainer, Provider? No, it was to food. I was literally heartbroken when I realized that time after time God was asking me to seek Him as my comfort, and it was as if I turned my back on Him and went to the kitchen instead. Food was never meant to satisfy a soul hunger! Only God can do that. One verse that stuck out to me was Job 23:12: “I have treasured your Word more than my daily bread.” Could I say that? That I had ever truly desired God’s word more than my next meal? I realized my priorities had been all wrong, and I realized that even as I had been changing my habits to healthier ones, I still hadn’t gotten in quite right. Instead of my idol being food, it was the restriction of food, the obsession with is this good for me? Bad? How many calories? How many carbs? Fats? Have I burned more calories than I’ve eaten? I realized I was spending the majority of my time either eating, planning what I was going to eat, avoiding eating, or regretting what I’d eaten. Were we not made for more than that?!

Through this study, through time in the Word and prayer, I am slowly but surely letting God be the source of my satisfaction, my comfort, my Food, as He was intended to be! I never realized how many verses in the Bible refer to God as our food, Daily Bread, Living Water. He is meant to satisfy our every thirst and hunger.

“All man’s efforts are for his mouth, yet his appetite is never satisfied.” Ecclesiastes 6:7