Honesty

Recently I've been feeling really honest. And generally, honesty pays. At least this past week it has. Yet often I'm not totally honest with myself, and that needs to change. So I'm going to be really honest with the blogging world.

I have a real weight problem.

And sure that's obvious to all of you, and to me, but I never say it. Like if I don't say it, no one will notice. Well, it's a problem and has been for my entire life. At each new turn I've thought, this will be it, this will be the time. I thought China would be it - walking everywhere, eating "healthy Chinese food" - ha. I even joined a gym in China, and Brad and I were fairly faithful at it - he desperately wanting to gain weight, and me desperately wanting to lose it. What a team. But what was gained and lost and gained again was about the same. In college I actually managed to lose about 25 lbs, but now after China, I'm nearly back up to the top! (I don't think Flying Saucer Mondays helped me out for that first month!)

It's always made me mad b/c I'm not lazier than other people. In fact, I might be more active than lots of people I know! I dance, I gym, I walk. I don't eat worse than other people! I freaking gave up sugar for 6 weeks. I like hummus and veggies and fruit. I eat whole grain bread. I don't drink sugary stuff. But I suppose now I'm paying for past habits, and now my poor metabolism has been confused to the point of death. Sure I like chocolate, and sure, I eat when I'm bored. But name five skinny people that don't!!

Anyway, I say all that to say this. Maybe I need to be more public with my struggles. Maybe I need that kind of accountability. So I've joined PEERTrainer, a site (FREE!) to log my thoughts and my food. They suggested that you make a list of your motivation for losing weight, and be really detailed and honest. So here it is: my honesty for all of you.

MOTIVATION:
-To not live in fear of what I can't do/achieve. (This is one huge reason I hated traveling abroad. I was always afraid something was around the corner that I couldn't manage.)
-To keep up and not feel left out.
-To feel smokin' hot!
-To have a chance at a relationship (or at least making out ;) )
-To wear cute things and shop in normal stores
-To someday be one of those amazingly beautiful pregnant women
-To not hate summer and its skimpiness
-To someday inspire others
-To not be mastered by anything and give Satan a foothold in my life

I joined the Y a few weeks ago and having been going a couple of times a week. I want to run the Halloween 5k this year. In China, I'd gotten up to running for 16 minutes...today 2 minutes was pushing it. So now I have goals and motivation. Let the losing begin...