Being Set Free Continued...

Within the first few lessons I felt cut to the core. The Spirit was really using the Word to call me out on so many things! One was glory. For whose glory was I trying to lose weight? Was it mine? So people would be impressed with me? So people would give me attention and congratulate me? Admire me? Yes to all. Was it for the glory of God? No. Error #1.

Another issue I’d had was anger with God. Why have you made me this way? Why haven’t you provided a way out for me? I had it all wrong. God hadn’t made me this way; I’d made myself this way by continually turning to food and trying to fill myself with things other than God. When I read this verse, I saw the Truth:

“Open wide your mouth and I will fill it. But my people would not listen to me; Israel would not submit to me. So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devices.” Ps. 80:10-12

God had been telling me, Amy, if you’ll just turn to me, I’ll fill your every need. I’ll satisfy you! Open wide your mouth and I will fill it! But I wouldn’t listen. In my stubbornness, I thought my way was best, so God gave me over to my own desires for a season. So it wasn’t God “making” me a certain way, it was a result of my own rebellion, of trying to put something in His place. Our choices have consequences, and mine you could see in a size 24.

Another issue was idols, an idol being anything you put before God, not necessarily a gold or wooden statue. It was easy for me to see how food had been an idol in my past. Where did I run for comfort, satisfaction, celebration, boredom, loneliness? Was it to God? My Creator, Sustainer, Provider? No, it was to food. I was literally heartbroken when I realized that time after time God was asking me to seek Him as my comfort, and it was as if I turned my back on Him and went to the kitchen instead. Food was never meant to satisfy a soul hunger! Only God can do that. One verse that stuck out to me was Job 23:12: “I have treasured your Word more than my daily bread.” Could I say that? That I had ever truly desired God’s word more than my next meal? I realized my priorities had been all wrong, and I realized that even as I had been changing my habits to healthier ones, I still hadn’t gotten in quite right. Instead of my idol being food, it was the restriction of food, the obsession with is this good for me? Bad? How many calories? How many carbs? Fats? Have I burned more calories than I’ve eaten? I realized I was spending the majority of my time either eating, planning what I was going to eat, avoiding eating, or regretting what I’d eaten. Were we not made for more than that?!

Through this study, through time in the Word and prayer, I am slowly but surely letting God be the source of my satisfaction, my comfort, my Food, as He was intended to be! I never realized how many verses in the Bible refer to God as our food, Daily Bread, Living Water. He is meant to satisfy our every thirst and hunger.

“All man’s efforts are for his mouth, yet his appetite is never satisfied.” Ecclesiastes 6:7

Setting the Captives Free

I sort of stumbled on the link for Setting the Captives Free. I saw it on Facebook of all places. It is a website offering free Bible studies and accountability for a whole host of habitual sins: drinking, drugs, smoking, pornography, and yes, overeating. I clicked on it, intrigued, and willing to try almost anything. It is a 60 day Bible study on overeating. You get an online mentor who reads your lessons everyday and prays for you, and since it’s online, there is an element of anonymity I was into. I was getting excited, and then I saw the eating plan options. I almost “unsigned” myself immediately. I saw the words fast, liquid, and half and was ready to run in the other direction. This is a “quack” website I thought. Probably one of those cult followings. But something made me do the first lesson and at least try it.

I’ll fast forward and tell you I’m on day 45 of 60. I’ve lost over 12 lbs in that time, and am 1 lb away from losing 50 from my heaviest weight. I have never felt so set free, so satisfied, so fulfilled, and if I’m a “quack” then I wish I had been one all along! This has been the most cleansing and beautiful journey, and I’m not even through. So, specifics to come, but check it out. www.settingcaptivesfree.com.

Allow me to tell you my story...

Allow me to tell you my story. I have been overweight my whole life. No, I didn’t have some traumatic childhood, and no, I don’t have a metabolic disease. I secretly wished for those growing up – something to blame it on, an excuse, a reason for why I was the way I was. I think my heaviest was in high school. 265. Ouch. Then throughout college I did Weight Watchers, had a healthy, exercising roommate sophomore year, and managed to get down around 245 fairly consistently. At one point I did a gimmick diet that got me down to 235, but I quickly gained that back and more. In China, I stayed around 245 going to the gym all the time and walking everywhere. Must have been that darn rice and oil that got me. Oh, and all the American treats we “rewarded” ourselves with. :) When I got back from China, in my mourning and transition I gained nearly 20 lbs! I remember looking at pictures from D.C. that spring and thinking, wow, I look terrible!

So I joined the Y, determined to be proactive. I fell in love with zumba, tried my hand at 5ks, took swimming lessons. I found an interest in nutrition and nutrients and whole foods. And with all that I was able to strong arm it down to the 230s again. That was huge! But all the while I felt a guilt I couldn’t kick. I felt guilty for caring so much about the physical when I should be focused on what is above. I wondered if God really cared about my goal weight and fluctuated between anger and indifference that He made the male population so “attraction” oriented. I was frustrated because I’d tried everything and felt stuck because every diet contradicted the next. I have tried everything: slim fast, diet pills, Weight Watchers, Adkins, fruit diets, food combining, low calorie, low fat, non-processed, super foods. And yes, I suppose any of them might work for a time, given the right amount of discipline and will, but I felt like there had to be something I was missing. And I’d always known if there was some way I could connect the physical to the spiritual, I would find success. I just didn’t know how. It’s when we’re at our lowest that we’re the most receptive, and it’s at that point that God stepped in and showed me the way.

Dusting off the blog...

Ok, I couldn't even remember the address to get to my own blog. It's been a while. But now I'm dusting off the dashboard here, so prepare yourself!
God has been doing some amazing things in and around me, and it's time for me to share. I'll try to keep them to many mini-blogs instead of massive diatribes to hold your attention. :)
Stay tuned...