Wisdom from Sunday...

Spiritual restlessness is part of the process of sanctification. It's when you get comfortable and satisfied with your Walk that you should get worried.

Monday Morning Surprise

Tammy and Josh went "shopping" last night... and I woke up to this...





















Amy,
Roses are red
but these ones are pink
They came from the dumpster
but at least they don't stink!






















Amy,
Flowers are pretty
and so is your face
This cup would be cooler
If it looked like a vase.





















Amy,
What do you do
if your flowers get frisky?
Liquor 'em up
with some old fashioned whiskey!

Not a bad start to a Monday!

God is Good

In the midst of my grieving over China, God is good. That's part of why its so hard...every time I read a passage I'm reminded of special moments, amazing talks. Every time I hear the word grace, I think about my "grace" tattoo and how Brad always used that as an object lesson. So last night, teary as I was, I opened and read from the greatest Story ever told and found comfort there. Not 30 minutes later, Peach called. China isn't dead. And neither are those relationships.

Sure I'd fly back in a minute, but one thing that holds me back is knowing someday I would have to feel all of this again. I know this is a process, and for now, I just have to deal with it. I have to take root here. I have to find new ways to be purposeful.

This morning I was so encouraged...I went to my old church, and it has dwindled down to a beautiful group of genuine Christ seekers. It was refreshing and rejuvenating to see old faces that are truly glad to see me, people that have kept up with me, people that care.

God's timing is perfect. And He is good.

Sweet Peach

Peach saw my blog about Earth Hour and participated on her own last night in China...turned off her lap top and lights and made a bonfire outside. I love that girl to pieces.

Reverse Culture Shock SUCKS.

I've spent most of the evening crying, which is fairly out of character for me. Though lately I can't make it through a worship service without losing it. I miss Yichang.

And then my wise mother mentioned reverse culture shock when I was ready to hop on a plane...and I remembered this email that was sent to me when I first got back.

First, there's real excitement to get back to the good ol' USA. It's clean. It smells good. Nobody stares at you. Suddenly you can understand all the conversations around you (it may even feel like sensory overload). And you can no longer see over the tops of everyone's heads—and the heads aren't all black. Amazing! Then there's the joy of seeing your loved ones and friends again. And eating favorite foods you've desperately missed. And what about the amazingly clean bathrooms—with TOILET PAPER and hot water? Pure luxury!

That's the honeymoon phase. After awhile the excitement starts to wear off a little bit, then it's time to begin readjusting to American life. Suddenly, everything seems terribly expensive. And you can't even bargain! At first you get lots of attention from your family and friends. But soon they have to go back to their routines, and you realize that they just don't have a lot of time to spend with you—or to listen to your "China stories". Sometimes they don't even seem all that interested. Oh maybe they are at first—for about 10 minutes. And if you're REALLY lucky, they'll even sit and look at your pictures for 15 or 20 minutes. But soon you become aware of glazed eyes, people changing the subject, or maybe even trying to avoid the subject altogether. The problem is not that they don’t care, it’s just that they have no way to relate to what you are telling them. Unless they have lived overseas, they have no meaningful framework to put your stories in. Quoting from the Peace Corp book: “you have a whole novel to tell and to you it is as compelling as a ‘can’t-put-it-down’ thriller. You’re stuck with an audience that prefers short stories.”* You simply must not let yourself feel hurt or offended. It really isn’t their fault.

This is the beginning of reverse culture shock. Yes, it’s real. Many people have said, “This was SO MUCH HARDER than the culture shock I had in China! I didn’t expect coming home to be this hard!” The good news is you will get through it eventually.

“I can’t decide!” That was my cry every time I tried to buy cold cereal after returning to the States. In China, at least we could get a couple different kinds—but they were incredibly expensive (especially when two children could eat a whole box at one sitting). With few choices for several years, this dazzling array was overwhelming: sweetened, unsweetened, oats, rice, corn, or wheat, in a box or bag, plain, with or without fruit or nuts. “It’s too much!” I lamented. The cereal section was a whole aisle long, top to bottom.

One friend we visited when we first returned asked me to help her make spaghetti. “Takes about 30 minutes,” she said. “Not where I came from,” I thought. It couldn’t be done. I envisioned thawing the meat as I cooked it, while cutting garlic, onions, and tomatoes to be sautéed. It would take almost half an hour to get the noodles cooked after boiling the water and we’d still have salad and garlic bread to make. She asked me to prepare the salad while she popped the meat in the microwave to thaw and cook, opened a can of sauce to warm in a pot, and buttered the bread with garlic butter from the refrigerator! We only had to set the table while the noodles cooked! I encountered these differences again and again. This was my home country, for crying out loud. Why did I feel so uneasy with the ease?

Along about this time you may start to notice that you sometimes feel like an outsider. Conversations about events which you did not experience with your family or friends may leave you feeling out of the loop. Time went on while you were gone, and their lives and yours were on different paths. You are both different people. If you want to re-establish those relationships, you will have to work at it again. You may expect to just pick up your life and my relationships where you left off. But it doesn’t happen that way. It can’t. You must re-form some of those relationships again. Be patient, and give it time. And accept that some things may never really be the same again. This is another aspect of reverse culture shock—loss.

I sat in a ladies’ meeting, sheepishly quiet while those wonderful sisters talked about fashion. Fashion! When was the last time you had tea and talked about fashion? You’re more likely to have tea and discuss the latest case of diarrhea. I was uncomfortable, like a waif at the Ritz. Sitting in a ladies meeting and listening to conversations about what was the “in” color for the year and what style clothes to buy made me very uncomfortable. Not that I envied them. I just could not relate.

The most common reactions to reverse culture shock are disappointment and loneliness. A survey of returned Peace Corp volunteers listed the following issues as being the most difficult during their readjustment to living in the US:

• materialism 74%
• abundance/waste of goods 74%
• indifference of fellow Americans 70%
• fast pace of living 67%
• feelings of not belonging 56%
• high cost of living 60%
• finding a job 43%*

A common behavior that results from these feelings is resistance. Some resist going back to their former American lifestyle. There can be a subconscious fear that to do so is to deny the time you spent in China. That somehow, you might lose what you have gained. Another form of resistance is to find fault with the U.S. and Americans. And some resist by deciding that they will not stay in the U.S. for long—that they are really just passing through. The truth is, “until you can begin to be happy in your home culture, you dare not let go completely of your other home in China.”*

This is the critical stage, the stage where you have to find a purpose. You must find some way to do something meaningful. You have been living a life where every day held the possibility of making a difference in someone’s life. But when you come back, that feeling is very difficult to find in the “normal” daily life here at home. As one China teacher said after she started back to work at an office job: “It all just seems so POINTLESS. At least in China I was helping people by helping them with English, if nothing else.” So you must search for a purpose. If you are going to stay in the US, you MUST re-adjust. You can do it by letting go and putting China behind you and moving on as if it never happened. OR, you can do it by taking the lessons that you’ve learned while living there, and the positive changes you’ve experienced in your own life, and put them to work.

When returned Peace Corp volunteers were asked how long it took to be comfortable with U.S. culture, nearly half said about 3 months. But nearly a third said it took a year or longer.

Don’t worry that you will “forget” China. It will always be a part of you. Remember, China will still be there and you can visit. In fact if you feel like it and it’s at all possible, you should plan to go back for a visit. It will help you to realize that those friends you leave behind are still there and they still love you. They didn't "die"--even though it may feel like it when you say that final goodbye and wonder if you will ever see their faces or hear their voices again.

For a final quote from the Peace Corp book, “Gradually you begin to make your peace with more and more features of your life back home. You understand, too, that readjustment, feeling comfortable and at home again back in the States, doesn’t have to spell the end of attitudes and values, even some of the behaviors, you took on when you were abroad and which now make up part of who you are…In some ways…you will never readjust, which may be just as it should be.”*

*Some quotes are from “Peace Corp Odyssey: The Voyage Home”, produced by Peace Corp Returned Volunteer Services, Office of Domestic Programs, Washington, DC 20526, www.peacecorp.gov

Earth Hour

Tonight at 8:30 pm, Nashville will go dark! The Parthenon, the honky tonks, all of downtown, will turn of the lights for Earth Hour. Nashville was selected as a key city in the US because apparently the southeastern US has some of the most diverse aquatic ecosystems. The World Wildlife Fund is making this area a priority and trying to restore and preserve the remaining aquatic habitat.

I don't know much about aquatic habitats, but I think it's extremely cool for downtown to go dark. I have always wondered how much electricity is used by keeping all the lights on. Sure it's pretty and impressive, but come on...turn off the lights. Earth Hour is happening all over the world...participate!

www.earthhourus.org

Join hundreds of millions of people around the world in making a bold statement about climate change. By turning off your lights for one hour, Earth Hour, you will send a message that Americans care about this issue and stand with the rest of the world in finding solutions to the escalating climate crisis.

Earth Hour 2009--WWF's global climate change movement.
March 28, 2009 at 8:30 p.m. Turn out. Take action.

Too Much Thinkin'

Can't sleep. Too much thinking. Thinking about random stuff and everything and can't shut my mind off. Brainstorming about working for Tammy. Jewelry parties. Art shows. Tour dates. Venues. Dreaming up plans for note cards. Wondering about taxes if I don't find a "real" job. Thinking about how I've coined an adjective: amosity, and given it the meaning "amyeskness" and how it's even cooler cause it has Amos in it, which is what Brad called me from time to random time. Thinking about going to zumba tomorrow and about how I should workout more, but who has time to work out. Thinking about how I only work 20 hours a week...why don't I have time to work out. Thinking that I'm re-acclimated to the States but right where I didn't want to be...busy with no accountability and no distinct purpose. Thinking about my China kiddos and how I miss them so much. Wishing I had a spiritual life and focus like I did in China. Missing my old Family. Thinking about Jehovah Jireh - the Lord provides - and trying not to worry about any of the things I'm thinking about. Wondering about community. Remembering I need to get my oil changed.

Abstrakta Show

Having a job where I'm able to actively do something that helps someone out feels pretty good. Especially, when it's something like this! Tammy is in an art show! Nashville people, come check it out!

Plowhaus Artists Cooperative presents

ABSTRAKTA

April 4- 25, 2009

Opening Reception during Nashville Art Crawl: April 4th from 6-10pm

The Plowhaus Artists Cooperative of Nashville proudly presents ABSTRAKTA, an exhibition of abstract art. In this group exhibit, Plowhaus artists delve into art without limits, where form, color and composition become a universal means of communication to create an emotional response and spiritual connection with the community.

Artists include:

Carrie Mills, Susan Striepe, Franne Lee, Franco Scaramuzza, John Holland, Candice Brett, Barry A. Noland, Judy Klich, Stephen McClure, Nubian Sun, Tom Winnett, Robert Bruce Scott, Beth Inglish, Mandy Peitz. Jamie Bandtin, Marsha Rusk, for Odenedo

Betsy Clapsaddle, Mel Davenport, Celeste Holliman, Catherine Chaput, Michelle Schrieber, Shonna Sexton, John Barcus, Peach McComb, and Tammy Rochelle

The Plowhaus Artist's Cooperative
www.plowhaus.org
Tennessee Art League Building
808 Broadway, 2nd Floor
Nashville, Tenn.
Gallery Hours: Tues. - Sat. 10am to 4pm

About Plowhaus
Plowhaus is a 501(c)(3) artist-supported cooperative and gallery space dedicated to presenting new art to the Nashville community. Plowhaus was the first gallery to open in East Nashville. It is committed to support, challenge and inspire artistic growth among its members and to build, educate and sustain audiences for contemporary art.

I'm on Etsy!

My newest venture is handmade note cards... I just got started, but you can buy them online!

www.amosity.etsy.com

Wish me luck!

Washinton, DC

Well, we made our quick trip up to DC, and it was great! I really enjoyed walking around and seeing all the monuments and beautiful architecture. Pictures are up on facebook... more blogging to come.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2040993&id=147801990&l=dfb81f2ab1

Big Friday Night

Wow. Beth and I had a big Friday night.

We wanted food. But not food at my house. We seriously walked around Kroger for 45 minutes looking for something to eat. Nothing sweet for me, nothing dairy for Beth (lent) which eliminates quite a bit of Kroger. We ended up with a plethora of jiangs that go on chips and crackers: guacamole, salsa, hummus, and bean dip. Nutritious.

We went home to eat and watch Fern Gully...yep, that's right. The cartoon classic about saving the rain forest. Beth and I talked about that movie alot in China; she found it for $5 at Walmart, hence Fern Gully on a Friday night.

We then commenced to organize our music and movies like two big dorks. We're a fun time. And now it's almost 10 and I can't wait to curl up and read a book.

I'm a fun time. :)

A Better Day...

Today improved alot upon yesterday! I went to Beth's class today to help out with some stuff and all the kids gave me hugs and high fives. I even got a hug from the boy who doesn't hug! Then when I got home today, what was in the mailbox?! My India postcard! Brad, Beth, Kim, and Katie went to India last January and mailed a funny postcard to me. It was found in Yichang the day after I left this year! So over one year later, it finally made it into my hands in America. Hilarious.

Loss

I found out today that Gisele, a fellow teacher at Three Gorges University, died today. I'm not too clear on the details, whether it was from the fire in her apartment or from jumping from the building. I am really in shock. I didn't know Gisele very well, but as foreigners living in Yichang, we all had a bond. We'd gone out a few times together, shared lesson plans, partied at New Year's. She was a newbie, and we all liked her. I guess it's affecting me so strongly because it could have been any of us. We all lived in crappy apartments with bars on the windows and wondered what we'd do in a fire. Gisele lived in Dawson's old apartment on the sixth floor. I guess I feel loss over a small piece of China gone. And in a way, I wish I were there to comfort her students and all the other foreign teachers there. It's so sobering.

Pray for her family. I can't imagine all that they will deal with in legalities with the government. Pray for her students. We shared many students, and they're so tender-hearted. They loved her as a teacher. And pray for those in Yichang with Wisdom to help those without in understanding and dealing with such a shocking event.

German teacher dies after jumping off dormitory in central China

www.chinaview.cn 2009-03-11 13:38:28

Print

YICHANG, Hubei, March 11 (Xinhua) -- A German woman died after apparently jumping from the seventh floor of a university staff dormitory building in central China's Hubei Province Wednesday, police said.

The woman, believed to be aged 32, worked as an English teacher at the Yichang-based China Three Gorges University.

Her dormitory on the sixth floor caught fire at 9:30 a.m. and neighbors saw her jump from the top of the seven-story building.

A note that read "Do not resuscitate" in English was found on her body. Fire-fighters have put out the fire.

Police are investigating the cause of the death.

Jordan!

Yay! Jordan came into town last night! I haven't seen him in forever, but he's still one of my favorite people in the world! It was good to catch up...and of course, hear the "Amy Song" Jordan style...with a little added harmony and lyrical help from Josh. :)

Recently...

Brad's been in Nashville! Hence the non-blogging. Who has time to blog when the Brad is in town?! Other than that, nothing interesting...other than Beth, Brad, Justin, and I are planning a road trip to Washington DC next week! Woohoo! I've never been to DC!