Cincy!

Beth and I are off to Cincinnati! Woohoo! To see the Brad at last.

Jobbed!

Well after two closed libraries and a McDonald employee's internet PIN, I'm finally on the internet to tell you...I have a job!

My friend Tammy Rochelle is an independent musician working in Nashville. She's about to start promoting another album and wants my assistance! It's dealing with all the tedious contacting, booking, info gathering, and organizing that she hates - which is perfect for me as that's all the stuff I love! I'm not sure how many hours it'll turn into each week, but at this point I'm just so glad to have a task set before me and a chance to be efficient! Woohoo! :) I'll be working on promoting, organizing tour stuff, venues, and more. I'm pumped!

Check her out at www.TammyRochelle.com. And if you listen real close, you might hear me too :)

Gongyuan Pengyou!

I met my park friend again today! I was walking around Centennial Park when Yang, the Chinese lady I met last week, walked up beside me. We did a few laps together (she walks way faster than me!) and she invited me to have dinner at her house next week! Real Chinese food! Yay! I was so glad that the weather was awesome - since that's what convinced me to go to the park instead of the community center - so that I could meet Yang again!

Yang is looking for some babysitting jobs if anyone knows someone in need, or anyone who needs a Chinese tutor...she'd be a great candidate!

At the Park

So yesterday I went to go walk at Centennial Park and decided to feed the ducks some old bread while I was at it. As I was feeding the birds a woman walked up and watched as all the birds swarmed over and fought over the bread. She was Chinese! From China! I was so excited to talk with her and be able to talk about China! Her daughter is here going to school and she's just hanging out in Nashville for a few months. It was all I could do not to ask for her number so we could hang out later. I mean, that's how you make friends in China: Meet, talk, exchange numbers. But I couldn't really figure out how weird that would be Stateside so I didn't ask. Anyway, it made my day. And it also made me feel like a dork. Talk about role reversal...how many Chinese people came up to me in China to talk about America and my life there. Funny.

Bradda!

So Brad was supposed to come this week to visit so I could plan his life and getting things rolling for him in Nashville. But he couldn't come. And I was so devastated! I think mostly because each day I wake up and think, okay, what on earth can I do today to fill my time. And having Brad here would have been a huge, awesome time-filler. It's so much more fun to plan someone else's life than to worry about mine. And Brad is such a huge connection to the life I just left behind. And I'm slowly forgetting, actually not forgetting. I can still remember when I try, but things don't pop in my head so often about China now. Things aren't as fresh. And sometimes it feels so distant and like it's fading away faster than I want. On one hand I feel disloyal, moving on quickly here in America, not suffering and moping everyday. But if I hold onto it and constantly dwell on China, I'll be miserable here. It's a fine line.

So I cried and let myself be pitiful for one night. I stuffed my face with ice cream with Beth (Thank goodness for Beth!). I let Monday drag by, tempting myself with ideas of driving up to Cincinnati just to have dinner with ole Brad so it would be like old times. And as much as I wanted to, I didn't. Another lesson for me in timing. We prayed so hard about Brad's future while we were in China, and now God is working it out! How selfish of me to want him here while God is providing for him there. So many lessons, so little time. And how awesome it will be when he finally does get here.

Judgementally discerning

I've been struggling with my judgemental spirit alot this week. And at what point do you call it judgemental and not discerning? I've been going to a church that I have visited on and off over my time in China. And I always really enjoyed the novelty of it, the freedom to worship, well, freely. And so when I came back to the States I just kind of assumed that I would move forward in learning about the church and placing membership there. So I've gone to a few classes, and on paper it all lines up. And in general it seems like a great group of people working toward Christ-likeness. But on Sunday I had such a hard time turning my brain off. All I could think was, is this for real? Are these people real? Why is everyone so...pretty? Why does the church have to be so...nice? Ugh.

I think coming back I have overanticipated what I would run into and have prematurely built up a wall to protect myself from falling into the American mediocrity* that I'm so scared of. All that to say, it's too soon. I can't begin to identify myself with a specific body right now, just like I can't seem to commit to my friends' community project. I think I underestimated the time I would need to adjust - to figure out where it is I'm going here. There are too many variables right now for me to make so many things concrete so soon...even though concrete is what I want now. I guess I just have to take this time for what it is - transition. And a big lesson in patience and dependence.

*I know not all Americans are mediocre. And mediocrity can be found all over the world. But just go with me here.

Farmer's Market

Today I finally made it around to going to the Farmer's Market. I say this like I've been insanely busy with a full schedule. Ha. I find it's harder to be productive and mark things off my "to do" list when I have nothing to do. Yeah.

Anyway, finally made it to the Farmer's Market. I've been reading and learning alot about buying locally and supporting those around me rather than buying stuff that may be more convenient but shipped halfway around the world. So today I walked in and went to the end of the row (where I figured fewer people shopped) and looked around at something to buy.

Oh, I should interject that I'm trying something new. I'm trying to get in my 5 fruits and veggies everyday b/c I know I rarely do. I figure instead of focusing on what I shouldn't be eating and cutting things out that I should try to do the opposite and fill up on what I'm supposed to eat in the first place, then maybe the bad stuff will just get shoved out. It's a theory anyway.

So I say that to say - The man I chose to buy from today was selling pretty much just turnip greens. Now I don't love turnip greens, but I felt bad snubbing my nose at all he had and thought I'd go out on a limb and try something I haven't had since I was like 12 in honor of my new quest for daily veggies. So the guy sold me a TON of turnip greens, and yes, a ham hock too. Go ahead and laugh. But it was satisfying to thank him directly for my lunch. And I didn't hate them.

Then on the way to my car I let an old man sweet talk me into some homemade country sausage. Hey, I'm a sucker. But the whole experience left me with an awesome feeling that I'd put money directly where it should go, and of course, it was reminscent of my life in China which filled me with more satisfaction than I'd felt in several days.

I will have to find some restraint at the Farmer's Market in the future...or they'll be sweet talking me into who knows what! My own cow? :)

Rejection

While I was getting ready for an interview this morning, I missed a call about the other position I had interviewed for. Rejection is always better in a message. :) And do people really say "we're going in a different direction with this position?" I always thought that was just a joke. It's not. But thankfully what I felt was not disappointment, but relief. Right now I think I need a job that is full of rote, comfortable, scheduled, consistency, and the Americorp position I had applied for wasn't really any of those things to me.

I did have a good interview with Bread and Company this morning. The manager was really nice, and I think it might be a good transition job for me - something I don't have to think too hard about or be too...challenged. I don't like being challenged. :)

With everything around me being uncertain, undefined, unsettled, I'm just ready for something, anything to be concrete. And I'd like something to fill my time besides grading papers for Beth (though I do enjoy that) and watching endless episodes of "How I Met Your Mother."

So, I should find out more tomorrow about the Bread and Company position. And if that flops, then I'll do what I can to get myself out of panic mode and just trust that now is supposed to be a growing time and a huge lesson in provision. :)

These Days...

So what have I been doing recently?
Well...yesterday was Friday the 13th and I remembered that before I remembered that the next day is Valentine's Day. Guess that's what happens when you don't see much TV or use the internet. I'm glad it's not a big deal like it used to be for me to not have a "Valentine."

Lately just been looking for a job. I interviewed at one place last week and should hear back at the end of this week.

Been helping Beth organize her classroom, grade papers, cut, paste, etc. It's been nice to have something to do!

I think I'm doing fairly well in this time of transition. I'm tired of being in transition but am taking it for what it is. I finally unpacked my car the other day and am no longer living out of my trunk. Baby steps.

I'm surrounded and supported by awesome people on both sides of the world. Sometimes I think I have it too good!

Chinglish

Phrases and Chinglish I can't (and don't want to) stop using even though people around me ting bu dong (don't understand)...

yao bu yao (want, don't want?)
wo ye don't know (I also don't know)
shenme, shenme, shenme (etc...)
meiyou (don't have)
dongxi (stuff)
mafan (annoyance, irritating stuff)
true de (Brad and Amy's version of shi de or zhende, meaning yes/really/true)
And of course, putting 'ba' and 'ma' on the end of every sentence! (to indicate a suggestion or question)

Wo xiang Zhongguo hua! Zhende!
(I miss Chinese, really!)

Colorado

Erin and Jason are moving to Colorado today, and I have the privilege of going with them! I'm going to drive up (over?) with them and help them settle in and get organized. I do love to organize. I am really happy to have been able to be in Nashville for the last week they were here. It was nice to feel helpful and get them packed up. It's helped to give me some purpose in these first days of transition back to the U.S. And since I don't have a job, I've had plenty of free time! So I guess you can find a blessing in everything. :)