Yay!

-6 lbs in 3 weeks. Yay! :)

Oh, and Brad is FINALLY IN NASHVILLE! YAAAAAYYYY!

Singing with Tammy

Here are two of the videos from Tammy's BongoJava show...of course they're the ones with me singing. :) Check out the rest on YouTube! It was fun to sing harmony live with Tammy, though next time I'll make sure there's time for a sound check for me...I couldn't hear myself at all. Turned out decent for singing deaf. :)

Shameless promo: Check out the rest of Tammy's music (and my harmony ;)) on iTunes! She's working on an acoustic album to go along with her European tour this summer, so stay tuned for more. Also, you can follow Tammy on her tour through her blog: tammyrochelle.blogspot.com!

"Goodbye Hero" by Tammy Rochelle

Progress

Last week I did pretty well with eating healthier stuff and working out. More veggies, less meat, dairy, and sugar. I even wrote down everything I ate and did some Weight Watcher point counting. I zumba-d three or four times...and lost 2 lbs! Yay. I ran/walked yesterday - 1.77 miles/30 min. My goal is to run all of a 5 k for Halloween. Wish me luck!

Tears of Gratitude

I got to video chat with Peach tonight. And I held it together for our chat, but now am crying my face off, of course. I decided to go ahead and made a good cry of it, so I looked through some of my old China pictures. All I could think of the whole time was "Thank you so much." I am filled with an inexpressible amount of gratitude for the chance to have experienced all I did in China, to form amazing friendships that go deeper than many I have here. I may never experience such a rich existence again. Sure there were times China drove me crazy, but I wouldn't trade even the worst of times in China. I am blessed beyond measure to even miss something this much; that shows just how amazing and meaningful it was.

Yichang. 2015.

A Good Day...

With Tammy out of town and nowhere specific to go, I've felt a lot like a housewife...sans husband and children. Most of my days consist of random errands, cleaning, reading, and pretty much anything that will keep me busy. Today I really enjoyed it.

-Went to Zumba and rocked it
-The roof got fixed!
-Bartered with a man about mowing the lawn (and two others later on...our yard is a jungle.)
-Made a delicious, healthy, veggie/hummus sandwich for lunch
-Cleaned up my mess
-Did laundry
-Bought a fish (name TBA)
-Rearranged some flowers
-Cleaned the toaster oven and microwave (and boy are they shiny!)
-Chatted with the ceiling painter guy and was encouraged by his "You are precious. Don't let anyone tell you anything different." Nothing like a sweet black man with dreads and an awesome accent to remind you of your status as a child of God.

Oh, and I went to a meeting tonight about how to be a pot dealer. Seriously, I might sell cookware part-time. Stay tuned for that one.

Stuff White People Like

I borrowed a book from Beth called "Stuff White People Like" by Christian Lander. It is hilarious. He goes through 150 things white people like with fantastic dry humor. Surprisingly, according to this book I'm only 30% white, but it was quite hilarious to learn more about how to "understand" my own white culture. I would definitely recommend this book. Kim, you definitely need to read this one!

From the back cover:
They love nothing better than sipping free-trade gourmet coffee, leafing through the Sunday New York Times, and listening to David Sedaris on NPR (ideally all at the same time). Apple products, indie music, food co-ops, and vintage T-shirts make them weak in the knees.

They believe they're unique, yet somehow they're all exactly the same, talking about how they "get" Sarah Silverman's "subversive" comedy and Wes Anderson's "droll" films. They're also down with diversity and up on all the best microbrews, breakfast spots, foreign cinema, and authentic sushi. They're organic, ironic, and do not own TVs. You know who they are: They're white people. And they're here, and you're gonna have to deal. Fortunately, here's a book that investigates, explains, and offers advice for finding social success with the Causacsian persuasion. So kick back on your IKEA couch and lose yourself in the ultimage guide to the unbearable whiteness of being.

Diet Cake!

A most amazing and delicious discovery...
You can substitute diet coke for eggs and oil in a cake mix recipe! Online people seem to recommend chocolate cake mix and diet coke. Tonight I tried yellow cake mix with diet coke and sugar free chocolate pudding. Mix it up and bake as usual. I topped it with cool whip and it was grand! I've heard you can mix your sodas. White cake and diet cream soda...or sprite...or orange soda. The possibilities are endless! Pretty exciting! There's rumor of "diet" pumpkin pie...you know I'll be right on that!
Happy baking :)

Why'd I Come Back?

Today I went to the park for "church." I knew every sermon would be about Mother's Day today, and for some reason, that seemed annoying to me. So I parked it on a bench and read these words of comfort:

"In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade - kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." 1 Peter 1: 3-7

I don't know that coming back from China would be considered a "trial", but it certainly carries with it grief. And maybe part of my return was to strengthen my faith, precious to God, to give him glory in the end.

So I sat thinking about the reasons I came back. Part of it was just a feeling. It seemed like the right time, or maybe not so much a right time but as good a time as any. I didn't feel like I was supposed to stay there for my whole life, so it seemed a logical time to leave. I was also excited about the things happening with my friends in Nashville and wanted to be a part of that. A small voice in the back of my brain was saying maybe I should go back now before I solidly become an old maid to see if there is a man for me (not that God couldn't ship him overseas if he wanted...) And now I see reasons I couldn't before. I've been able to be with Beth through her treatment, been able to help Tammy, help Brad. I don't think I made a wrong choice. I know God will grow and use me in either place. But a grand thought crossed my mind this morning...

What if I give myself until age 35. At 35, if I'm not married and tied down...why not go back? Or if I am married to someone amazing who wants to come with me...that could work too. Give myself some time to pay off my loans and then head across the ocean...? It's just a dream and a thought, but how fun it would be if Beth, Brad, and I all headed back...heck, maybe Kim and Katie too...the Indians...it could be a grand reunion...

Oh China

I'm missing China so much at this second I could burst. Too many China hits today: seeing old waiguoren at the craft fair, emails from Peach, pictures from Brad, emails from Sooraj, seeing pictures on Facebook, hearing that Yichang is getting a Walmart!

It's easier to block it. It physically hurts sometimes to remember. But at the same time it feels good to at least feel it. Does that make sense?

A part of me still doesn't want to "move on." Is there a way to reconcile both of my worlds? It sounds hokey but I truly long for Heaven when all of the people I love so much will finally get to meet and we can all hang out together.

Craft Fair

Beth and I survived the craft fair today! Several friends came out and we made more than our "booth" fee, so I consider that successful. I think I ended up selling 30 cards! Beth's magnets were a big hit, and I've thought of some ways to improve my cards. I think they're making this a monthly event, so maybe I'll do it again! Thanks so much to everyone who stopped by. It was great to catch up and be supported. :)

Honesty

Recently I've been feeling really honest. And generally, honesty pays. At least this past week it has. Yet often I'm not totally honest with myself, and that needs to change. So I'm going to be really honest with the blogging world.

I have a real weight problem.

And sure that's obvious to all of you, and to me, but I never say it. Like if I don't say it, no one will notice. Well, it's a problem and has been for my entire life. At each new turn I've thought, this will be it, this will be the time. I thought China would be it - walking everywhere, eating "healthy Chinese food" - ha. I even joined a gym in China, and Brad and I were fairly faithful at it - he desperately wanting to gain weight, and me desperately wanting to lose it. What a team. But what was gained and lost and gained again was about the same. In college I actually managed to lose about 25 lbs, but now after China, I'm nearly back up to the top! (I don't think Flying Saucer Mondays helped me out for that first month!)

It's always made me mad b/c I'm not lazier than other people. In fact, I might be more active than lots of people I know! I dance, I gym, I walk. I don't eat worse than other people! I freaking gave up sugar for 6 weeks. I like hummus and veggies and fruit. I eat whole grain bread. I don't drink sugary stuff. But I suppose now I'm paying for past habits, and now my poor metabolism has been confused to the point of death. Sure I like chocolate, and sure, I eat when I'm bored. But name five skinny people that don't!!

Anyway, I say all that to say this. Maybe I need to be more public with my struggles. Maybe I need that kind of accountability. So I've joined PEERTrainer, a site (FREE!) to log my thoughts and my food. They suggested that you make a list of your motivation for losing weight, and be really detailed and honest. So here it is: my honesty for all of you.

MOTIVATION:
-To not live in fear of what I can't do/achieve. (This is one huge reason I hated traveling abroad. I was always afraid something was around the corner that I couldn't manage.)
-To keep up and not feel left out.
-To feel smokin' hot!
-To have a chance at a relationship (or at least making out ;) )
-To wear cute things and shop in normal stores
-To someday be one of those amazingly beautiful pregnant women
-To not hate summer and its skimpiness
-To someday inspire others
-To not be mastered by anything and give Satan a foothold in my life

I joined the Y a few weeks ago and having been going a couple of times a week. I want to run the Halloween 5k this year. In China, I'd gotten up to running for 16 minutes...today 2 minutes was pushing it. So now I have goals and motivation. Let the losing begin...

East Nashville Craft Fair

Saturday Beth and I are participating in our first craft fair! I'm selling (hopefully) my handmade note cards, and Beth is selling super cute magnets. I'm also going to be selling Tammy's jewelry and art. If you're around Saturday, stop by and check it out! I'd love to see you!

It's at the 5 points in East Nashville at Billups Studio, the white building behind Battered 'N Fried (near Beyond the Edge).
11 am - Sundown
There will be live music and lots of folks out, so hope to see you there!

Chokin' Down Manna

I was thinking tonight how easily we get tired of manna. Sure God is daily raining down my provision, just enough and nothing more. And it was exciting at first, the novelty of my sustenance appearing from thin air. But as the days go by...manna...manna...manna. It seems the same ole thing, like I expect God to perform some new amazing miracle everyday. But the Israelites lived for years on manna, and in God's goodness He even provided meat. I'm hoping a little meat comes my way someday, but for now I'm trying to learn to live with enough for each day and not worry about manna for tomorrow.

*I'm hoping for more of an Exodus 16 experience than a Numbers 11!

Cinco de Meiyou

Just realized it's Cinco de Mayo. Funny how if I were in China I would no doubt celebrate this holiday that isn't mine with some ridiculous party that required cheese from Wuhan, homemade sour cream, a scary trip to a meat market, and mourning for guacamole. We never hesitated to celebrate everything there even though nothing was convenient. I miss that.

Weekend Review

It was a fab weekend! Allow me to recap...

1. Brad came! Woot!
2. Friday Beth finished 6 weeks of radiation, so we celebrated Boob Day in her honor with a champagne toast and ate at Hooters. Then we went to the Big Bang piano bar where she received a piano serenade! (There was also the ditching of a hick, which was sad but entertaining to watch).
3. Four of my favorite guys in the world were in one place for the first time ever! Brad, Daniel, Josh, and Jordan. Had Carl and Justin been there, the world might have ended.
4. We went to Natchez Trace for church Sunday, and I had major flashbacks to the church I went to when I was little. And I swear it was my mother's voice singing alto coming out of my mouth...
5. Sunday night Brad, Beth, Josh, and I went to the Gurst House for dinner and then the Deathcab for Cutie concert!!!!!
6. Did I mention Brad was in town and is moving here in 3 weeks?!
7. Craigslist redeemed itself after the Great Scam of '09. I bought an excellent futon for $40 and an beautiful wood table for $10 today!

Jesus is Smart

I'm reading The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard. So far it's pretty academic and stretching my slowly deteriorating intellect (it's been a loooong time since I've read academically), but the part I read last night really made me think. Jesus is smart. A paragraph or two talks about how in Jesus' miracles, he is so smart that He knew how to transform molecules in His miracles. I never really think too hard about the miracles. If you do, your brain will explode. I just accept on faith that Jesus did miracles, and in my mind I guess they are kind of like magic. But the idea of Jesus knowing the molecular structure of water to make it wine is pretty impressive.

"That knowledge also allowed him to take a few pieces of bread and some little fish and feed thousands of people. He could create matter from the energy He knew how to access from the heavens, right where he was...He knew how to transform the tissues of the human body from sickness to health and from death to life. He knew how to suspend gravity, interrupt weather patterns, and eliminate unfruitful trees without saw or ax."

"He is not just nice, he is brilliant. He is the smartest man who ever lived."

This makes me think in a new way about trusting in Jesus. It makes me think again when I think I know what I'm doing. The smartest Being in the world is looking after my good interest, so maybe I should let Him do what He thinks best.